really, what is the line between reasoning and excuse?

i think the onus is on the perceiver. then, should we bother what this perceiver thinks, before we reason?

what is considered work, and what is considered slack? is sleeping slacking? or isit working, since i can call it actively and with an intent to rest, so that i can work better?
similarly, if i do something for no economic benefit to myself, am i working, or resting?

so once again, why i need to get caught up with perceivers of my way? let them see what they want to see. should i be affected? maybe i shld. but as a general measure, take everyting wif a pinch of salt. it is never possible to satisfice these ppl's opinions. carry on perceiving, i dun tink it brings any benefits, to themselves or to myself.

really, i'm a bad son.

wasted so much time, tinking about myself. i'm in the centre of the world.

but unfortunately not. no one is the centre of the world. i know it, but i fail to realise, recognise, reconcile and accept it. consciously or subconciously, i will think of myself as greater, and will marginalise and play down the concerns of others. much of what i've done, is generally in consideration of my own edificaiton. stupid.

change i must. change i shld. will i? time will tell. 2day is a good day, and a good nite.

am i allowed to believe myself? should i believe myself?

all along hav been failing in things, esp those pertaining to human. at best, things are poorly done. so i wonder, will u believe me? heh, not an easy qn. they hav observed me, and they may or may not know rather well what i am going through. and since the observers are more clear in some sense, they may even know what i may do next time better than myself.

i would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain. maybe. if it saves people, if it saves u, why not? but if the bullet go thru liao den hit the person i wan to block den how? HAHA. also, if i catch a grenade 4 u, i can't guarantee the shrapnel only i tio. maybe u tio some. but hu care, as long as u may noe, it doesn't matter i guess?

so once again, i'm sitting here, expressing some incoherence. really, i rather not be this way. it's like a bad dirrhoea, although u may choose to gather enough shit 1st, u still gotta shit some out, although u noe u're going in for at least a 5th time. hence here u can sae i'm shitting some out of me for a while, later i will shit out more, as long as dirrhoeaa doesn't heal....

ooo... heaven is a place on earth. they say in heaven, love comes first, we'll make heaven a place on earth earth earth earth...

and how about some christmas (snow) in s'pore ytd nite? i like it, i tink clementi had sort of ankle deep water at certain points. so, let it snow let it snow let it snow.

and anw, i tink the mp3 ripping sites are becoming better and better.
but sites for copying the lyrics getting worse. some can't highlight text. but hu cares, there are good substitutes as u juz hav to go back to google, and get another site. how convenient. very good, i like it this way.

and looking again at lyrics, looks like some are great. i'd catch a grenade for u. seriously, i won't catch it. i would probably whack it away... u wldn't want some shrapnels.

i don't wanna comment on controversial issues - quote unknown. (or known unto certain ppl actually heh)

I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it - voltaire.

soon, religion will die out. but how soon? voltaire is desperately anti-christian frm my cursory understanding. many philosophers during his time and after may have agreed. but as of now, religion is around. those who are in religions will cherish it. those who are not will cherish their state too.

weird.

i tink it is rather unhealthy, i tend to blame not others but myself for many lousy results and situations and failures. sure, maybe there are times where i really screw up. fine, then maybe it's correct to blame myself. but then sometimes, i prefer to blame it on me instead of the real cause for certain problems and failures.

well another random idea. let's take mercury for a case study. mercury, a heavy metal, when entered into one's body, stays there very long. same for other poisonous heavy metal ions and particles. sure, the body may try to remove it slowly. very slowly in fact. hence, it shld b rather appropriate to say that these heavy metal ions will stay there quite permanently, and one is not able to remove all of it UNLESS for some reason they cluster somewhere, and u juz chop off that part of ur body.

assuming ur body only has mercury traces now, due to coming into contact with it through job or an accident or pollution. what if, someone asks u to remove all of these mercury ions and replace them with manganese? is that possible? (on the assumption that this person will only be appeased if all mercury ions are removed)

or isit more likely that a person does not mind the mercury ions in ur body, and shuffs u with manganese? i don't know.

this happens often enuff tho. surely, i am able to change my loyalties once i am convinced it is a great idea, and that it will work out great. unfortunately, ppl will not believe that we are able to change our loyalties quickly, claiming that u are just another person who can't make up ur mind. how about i offer an alternative viewpoint. sure, u may say such a person who switches loyalties quickly cannot make up their minds. but how about, it is the doubt that u invoke in him that make him unable to make up his mind? haha, hence, if u are some sort of an employer, don't doubt an employee who has made up his mind quickly too early. if u wan to play safe and use condom, ensure that the contract will have clauses and compensations to u if that guy is really some idiot who cannot make up his mind and stay loyal.

well, the aeroplane back was rather shaky.

literally. for one, it looked like badly maintained, probably in service for around 10 years? it is air china. well, duno whether national. but very obviously, it doesn't give me any much confidence. so for the whole 6h or so on board, ..., horrendous. got on, went out of the parking place, pilots claim plane fail some test. great. i was like thanks, i planned this whole day alr, den delay. heng nth much delay 1h. but it was super insecure.

good job, i shall blacklist such things. haha.

now, muz get on wif secular life. got some crap to finish, after dat is training

i'm nothing special.

juz another guy, doesn't look to be an idiot, doesn't want to be a bad person, doesn't want to be an asshole. wants to be nice to others, wants others to have a good life, wants others to be nice to each other too.

but man is driven by his wants too. haha. personal wants, i shld sae.

how confusing. how confusing. am i supposed to? or not supposed to? this is pissing, esp when i'm super tired today. den still gotta settle some shitty psc admin nonsense... really. maybe i shld start getting used to it. as wif any other slacker, i hate setbacks. sure, they hav slapped me in the face 70 times 7 times, but i still hate getting slapped.

it's k, bible will tell me to forgive them 70 times 7 times also. hence, i shldn't get too worked up isn't it?

--------------------

weirdly, i can stay awake just to hear u breathing, watch u smile while u are dreaming blah blah. weird. i dun want to miss a thing? paradox. if u focus on something just because u dun want to miss it, u will miss another thing. too bad. opp costs, blah blah. stewpit.

asdf.

really, really. we hav to face all these shit apparently. there is no way out. i will hope there is.

the stars may shine on me.

but shld i believe the stars?

the three kings of orient followed the stars, and they found jesus, and they worshipped him wif myrrh and frankincense. that's good. last time, travellers followed certain celestial bodies, constellations, such as the north star and etc. and they arrived at where they wanted to. that's good.

but remember, last time, travellers died too. WHY? precisely they followed the wrong stars. that's why i ask, shld i read the stars? of course i'm not superstitious, i dun follow horoscope, i dun follow astrology. stars = signs. really, are these signs true, or are they pseudo-signs? haha.

how overt a sign must be before it is one? we can't define it. but some ppl hav good instincts, they lived on instinct without any academic knowledge, and some go on to become billionaires. haha. why? they know how to follow signs.

i shld learn to read my stars too

i tell myself one more time, to carry on.

so what is hindering me? human tendencies. sure, the rational way to do things is clear - don't regret. once u regret, it may breed remorse, and it comes around to more regret. and the chain starts again in a slippery spiral into nowhere. thus, the clever, pragmatic way is not to regret. just learn from the past, live in the present, prepare for the future, and do the best u can wif ur current knowledge and experiences.

so why are we regretting time and time again, especially me? it's human to do so. we regret, because its our conscious and emotional reaction to some past acts with perceived or real negative consequences. we want to say sorry, we want to make it up for whatever misdeeds, perceived or actual, we have done.

but what if, we regret, and we can't do anything about it? 无奈。so maybe a hokkien song says it very well. 若无彼日的熟悉，心头也不这无奈. hmm, i seem to be digressing to what i have in mind. but unfortunately, i dun think i am being responsible about being explicit about it. hence, i have to type in a circumlocutory manner. in any case, we shldn't wander in a state of remorse. sure, guilt may overwhelm you, but question urself, have u really violated a moral code of conduct? pardon me being chauvinistic. but i dun tink i violated a moral code of conduct. so wad shit regret am i feeling?

hence, maybe i'm still sane. HAHA.

wad is wrong?

the moon is affecting my bloody hormonal levels. at least, it is a contributing factor. idiotic. an influx of thoughts and emotion and feelings and some past events, not easy to handle at 1 go. and considering i hav some deadlines to meet, and a relatively packed schedule, it is sian.

well, maybe i shld juz sleep for 1 day, everything may be fine.

my body is facing a rise in certain chemical levels. i can overtly feel it.

it is the tempt again. but this time it's a confusion as well. i do not know whether is it a fall in serotonin or a rise in its levels. neither do i know it is a craving for epinephrine and similar substances, or that its levels are on the rise as well.

and this convoluted top 2 paragraphs proves it all. i'm feeling a little confused isn't it. this is messy....

Tommy Jones with another 300. 2009.

all men are equal, some are more equal than others.

well well.

they way different people see things are different. esp for different genders. seriously. different way people see u. this is one strata.

another strata: wealth

yet another: education...

and another........

just like many, i'm sitting in front of the com.

but unlike some, i reckon, i've been going out for sport stuff.

interesting, i do not really hav a great antipathy for computer games. but they dun seem to get me too damn attracted. sports do. maybe the sports i play all nid to like pay money one, and the barrier set up seems like some sort of a hindrance to my full enjoyment, and hence there is some sort of withdrawal symptoms.

this will be a highly nebulous discussion.

i contend that men think wif their penis, women think wif their heart, and assholes think wif their brain. let me dissect and expound on this bit by bit.

last part 1st then, assholes think wif their brain. why? crudely put, when u shit voluntarily, i mean u will hav the peristaltic urge 1st, and u're gonna find somewhere to egest. so it's like, shit must still come out. so similarly, out of assholes or i mean people who behave this way, only shit comes out of them. also u c, why think wif their brain? see, if u nid to shit, u can either control, or let it come out now. isn't it? so for them, these assholes control when they're gonna giv u some shiet. isn't it. hence they think wif their brain, they create nice heinous plans to giv shit to others.

why men think wif their penis? this is already crude, but when i sae this, i'm trying to sae this is the instinct of men. generally, it's about how to portray urself wonderfully in front of others for wadeva aims. they will do anyting for it, to satisfy this wadeva urge to get something. hence many a time we see impulsive stuff done by men. a blunt example - let's sae a guy meets a rather attractive girl. immediately, he asks this girl to go out, or gives the girl the hp no. or treat the girl sth. this has happened often enuff as ppl, not only me, hav observed. in this case, the urge is to get this person as some life partner, albeit too quickly. unfortunately a considerable proportion of ppl dun really like such a situation. an overgeneralisation as an example - we hear very ambitious goals coming from guys, world records, wadeva. many are by men. by far, men chiong their urges more than women, at least imo which can be fallacious. hence i'd sae men think wif their penis.

next i sae, women think wif their heart. this is gonna be something towards positive. i tink most women are nice. they dun seem to harbour much hatred or sth. they seem to do more tings wif less vested interests. and from wad i noe of evolutionary stuff, apparently women hav this maternal instinct. and i tink that's a fat plus point. they make a better leader because of that. sure, they may not hav a super ambitious vision. but then there is marginally more meticulousness and they seem to bother more about the feelings of ppl. i tink that's good. women think wif their heart. moreover, they seem to be 注重 things like relationships wif others more than something material. one example - a wife who has a husband who cheats on her is more often to not divorce this guy. while a guy immediately divorces his wife when the wife cheats on him. isn't it? u may say this is weakness, women too bothered about such stuff. but i tell u, which u wan - some tangible achievement? or an intangible connection wif another person which lasts? ok abit random, but really, it is a good thing that most women think wif their heart, and not their sex organs totally.

as an anti-climax, i always have my disclaimer. which is that u shld attack any of the points raised for fallacies or myopia or wadeva it is. some tings hav led to a culmination of this idea. haha

i have a vase, i gotta hold it and walk a little distance then nid to put it on the floor.

ppl have told me, if i drop it from a certain height, the vase will break. i mean, it's fragile, duh, it'll break. so maybe i've dropped a few vases due to mistakes and carelessness and tripping. so i'm not supposed to drop it again or do sth wif the vase.

so it come a day, maybe i make another mistake and dropped another vase, which may be more expensive or more cheap. so wad shld i do if i kip dropping vases?

meaning, if u find u are making the same mistakes a little too often, how would u solve the problem? haha. is it because, u're not careful and trip over sth? OR shld u sae u kip walking on slippery areas, soapy areas, lots of obstacles on the road?

not easy to come to a conclusion eh. i tink there can be parallel scenarios when this happen. i reckon many books hav come to explain how to get ourselves out of making mistakes. confucius sae, man who makes a mistake and does not correct it is making another mistake. really? wad if all these mistakes are not due to u not correcting it, and instead it's environmental and a little too often poisson occurences?

it's not good to question the onus of these tings. but well, let us minimize the chances by hook or by crook.

whenever i heard the bourgeois and proletariat talk about psle, streaming, o level, a level, it resonates crazily in my head.

idiotic.

true, they call me upper class. but i'm feeling sick. do we need to stratify ourselves by education level? once again, does education decide our strata, decide whether we are more worthy a human? if u say yes, haha. maybe u're beyond repair.

say that i'm idealistic, dreamy, having lofty ideals. but this is really a cause for consternation. of course i shldn't forget the reality: 钱不是万能的，但是没钱，万万不能。 sure, in here, we need a certain level of education to get a decent or even minimal standard of living so that we're not hungry and so that we don't roam the dustbins for food.

but i think the divide between education levels has been too exacerbated. we need to fix it. i wldn't dare say i'm a full progressive, neither am i a conservative. but it seems a reform is required IF we don't want things to stay this way. if the consensus is on this stratified way of life, den, haha, i'm fine wif it. i rather have an invisible strata where ppl appreciate each other for their roles in the society, over an overt one where ppl lament or despise each other over their different educational attainment.

do u believe?

i wldn't mind. but of course, dun be stupid. HAHA. i definitely won't, but i'm hoping not to be affected by stuff yer noe. looks like i better go and regain some vitality.

idiotic.

sure, we do love constructive criticism. that's the embracing attitude of a progressivist. but i have a qn: wad do u do when criticism turns into personal attacks and incendiary remarks which engenders animosity? seriously. maybe we shld turn violent to such situations.

another situation. one may see an orchid and a tall tree in some sort of a symbiotic relationship. sorry, as far as my knowledge of nature goes, the orchid is a parasite. so, if one perceives symbiosis with a fellow friend, must this other friend feel that it is symbiotic? what if this friend feels that it's a parasitic one rather than a inter-dependent one? haha.

for one, i'm clear in this case, once one would kick the orchid out of the system, the tree would continue growing, while the orchid with no sunlight and a nice place to sap nutrients from shall gg.

很想和你再去吹吹风，去吹吹风，风会带走一切短占的轻松。

i'm looking forward to someday, someway. haha. when i probably find sth that i demand, something that wld provide my needs, and sth that drops from the sky just for me. that, is called a good dream.

but in any case, i'm supposed to be working hard now. but i hav a fat qn. does it mean, if i dun perform, i am a lousier human, less worthy? or even, does it make me a lesser human, an undeserving child? i'm not so sure u know, but the ppl around us do give us some sort of a barometric reading for what they see in us. and this is sick.

as i like to sae, ed attainment unfortunately means status. it's sick. i wld hav hoped i never had such great results. but that'll be irresponsible. by the same token, if this happens, i probably will be prohibited from doing wad i want.

maybe i've succeeded, maybe u're better off having a sick impression of me. haha

maybe it's better for me too? haha i dunno totally. but hu cares, let's see wad's ahead of me in the near future. as keynes said, in the long run we're all dead.

a catharsis. after coming one round, i feel something. i feel ashamed of my good results.

for a few main points. to begin with, let's analyse from the very basic how i got the good results. in our dear education system, yes it's great for building considerably firm foundations in any topic. but sorry, even though i got good results, i really feel ashamed of it. why? i can safely tell u, even if i can score high marks, i know shit about them. i know less than another person getting d or e in a science maybe. case in point physics. sure i can do a calculation 20 times faster than others. but do i know the underlying meaning behind it? i safely tell u, at least 70% of the time i know shit about it. but ppl getting d and e can tell me the actual meaning. seriously. i feel damn ashamed of myself, i'm juz a marks jerker. i succeed in the freakin education system, but i know shit if u wanna go super esoteric.

in addition, let's bring in stuff which are not so arithmetic. let's bring in the analytical and critical thinking in languages, social sciences etc. even worse. sure i know the econs knowledge. i will never be able to give u an idea that is super out of the box. in world issues, sure i may know some pertinent points, evaluations, suggest u some methods to improve the situation or have an amicable discussion. but i never seem to be able to give incisive ideas. or even criticisms. my criticism are generally superficial, they touch nothing deep. sure, i potentially can score in gp with all these knowledge applied properly. but once again, it's shit, i do not feel proud of it because it's so bourgeois and robotic and methodic. any idiot when taught to do it will do as well as me. i'm juz an idiot seriously. wad's there to be proud of? instead, i shld b ashamed of myself to say that i potentially can do well. thus, although i hav generally good results, i'd sae i'm ashamed of myself.

moreover, when i touch on the idiot smart normal thing, it brings me to perceived values. sure, my "educational attainment" gives me an arbitrary value in society. i am called smart by certain ppl. and really, although i'm happy about being smart, i do not feel extremely glorious. sure, i gloat many a time about my greatness in getting good marks. ppl call me smart, clever, will succeed next time. there's a value assigned to me, that i will become successful. and this value assigned to me, i'm damned ashamed of it. really, do i deserve it? u tell me, u hav a lousier result than me, are u less human than me? NO. does a better result make me any a better person than u? NO. seriously, so why call myself smart? and let's question the assumption that i will be successful - do u really think i will be? and so what if i am? really. so what if i am successful? i am still a part of a community, a society, a country, a world. i am no different from another beggar on the street, i am not of greater worth. i feel ashamed to bask in the glory of my great results. i shldn't be doing that totally.

more. i am ashamed that i hav not gotten the momentum and the best ability to be able to use all these good results to ameliorate other's situation. i'm down here, trying to augment my wealth of knowledge, when obviously there are many who need the results more than me. this is 无奈. haha. yea, wadeva, they say i'm erudite man, go and contribute to society. i feel ashamed that i do not hav that FULL drive to help society overtly. even covertly. to add on, i am so ashamed, desired outcomes of education (DOE) for pre-uni students, one of them is for a student to be socially responsible. seriously, after getting over so long education, i really feel i'm so lousy, i do not harbour and embrace the ideas of being socially responsible; worse i advocate every man for himself. wad the shit. i'm really ashamed, all these years of education and making frens, i still harbour such anti-civilisation and primitive ideas, that shld be phased out by generally inclusive society here. i apparently, hav not got the good moral values in me. i don't know. maybe i ought to be ashamed i'm not practising certain of these good moral values though i know of them somewhere somewhere.

pen-ultimate conclusion: maybe i shld juz go fail all tests from now on, and walk on the streets. haha. then maybe i won't become ashamed, and another person will become ashamed of themselves for not donating food to me. HAHA and this is shooting myself in the foot, in fact in the head - i ought to be even more ashamed of such an idea.

ultimately: if i didn't study all these issues, i won't be ashamed of myself running the race of accruing status and climbing the societal status ladder. which is better? to be cognizant of such ideas, or ignorance is bliss? maybe i'm right and should be ashamed of myself and my good results, when i may not hav deserved all the "positive" remarks and projections of me, as well as the fact that i'm so damn apathetic to others.

let's see.

superficially analysing, it is quite apparent that assiduity does not pay off all the time bah. haha, sometimes do the wrong ting for many many times, will not bring u to great heights. it may bring u higher, but not to the level of greatness.

of course, some cursory methods can suffice at times. but it doesn't mean they are forever dependable. thus, diligently do something which is deemed correct instead of a dangerous stunt or not so viable idea.

it is claimed that success and ruthlessness have a correlation.

if one were ruthless, one would carry out rational goals for one's self-interest without any care or compassion for others. and it may include brutal and aggressive means to achieve them. so in certain areas, ruthlessness may be an element of success, to eliminate all opposition to one's greed and self-benefit.

question would be how compassionate must u be then? haha. if compassion's really useless, then tell me why nice guys can be in top jobs.

looks like it boils down to finding the golden balance or ratio again.

你已征服了我，却还不属于我，叫我如何不去猜测你在想什么？

really, if this were to continue, i shall do attitude changing method. and everyting's fine. haha. i have many back up plans, and i think i really hav to activate them in lieu of upcoming, life-deciding exams.

and of course, i hav back up plans, juz like why i throw a back up ball, even if i gonna suck in the life-deciding exam. haha... wif psle certifications, it won't be easy, but there's methods.

now, i have no idea where my ca is in. but any case, i'll help in any way i can.

or maybe i juz hav one useless ca. which little people will value. let's see if a miracle would ensue. it probably wun. i maybe nid a irrational session.

sick. totally.

i conclude, karma may be wrong. haha.

有爱就有恨，或多或少。。。

i've never enjoyed feeling this way, but it seems maybe this will go on for a while.

it is hard to ameliorate the situation, hu cares, i shall work towards it. anyways i hope u're cognizant of the happenings and the realities. i'm sorry, but it's too late to apologise!!! totally. aww.

difficult to moderate my gp by my understanding. i conclude i am a victim of the system too.

sadly, we students have really forgotten that studying is about the enjoyment and satisfaction of getting new knowledge. this problems stems from top down: gov't want to produce worker for economy, school wan to produce results. and thus, we're here, bothered about results. hav our school taught us to enjoy knowledge DIRECTLY? obviously not. the top people do not emphasise that we shld enjoy learning. or at least it's not even in the most arcane of my memories. so u see, therefore, i am here complaining my 1 subject results sucks like shit. understand? if i wasn't in such an environment, i'd be like never mind, never mind, relax.

but nvm. in people's eyes, i thrive in the system. but unfortunately, i am still a victim of the system for not performing in 1 subject. if this happens for a level, i wun b surprised uni doesn't want me unless i pay. scholarships probably can't get. conclusion, if this happens for a level, i will not touch the high end jobs in singapore which require academic qualifications explicitly anymore. i'd invest myself in a sport or music.

yea and i juz remembered, my world comes crashing down thanks to many factors too. i do not blame them for doing so. but i do hope that they'd bother minimalistically about people around them too.

my utility is scarcely satisfied.

and i'm quite aware that's because my priorities are somewhat off track from a rational student. but is there anything wrong wif having differing priorities? i dun think so. but apparently, people around me probably wun help me achieve the utility that i desire too. wad course of action do i hav? apparently, to change my views, or to coerce or force people to acquiesce with me.

and the latter is obviously not the morally and socially right thing to do. thus it seems, i shld juz adopt a minimalistic approach and juz fulfill the bottom 2 needs in the maslow's hierachy of needs bah. doesn't matter anyway, it doesn't bother my survival.

i'm deeply dissatisfied with the level of thinking people have as to certain topics, and their sensitivity to people of different minds and philosophies. really, stop expecting highly sociable people to be around you.

nothing really eventful. today can be an exemplification of the typical-ness of another day.

so basically got lesson, sat down wif clsmates, den sat down wif clsmates, den play ball wif clsmates, den see teacher, mug, now i'm in front of the com waiting for my 10pm show. but as usual, there are some random ideas.

we are told, if we dun stand out, it is not true that no one notices us. similarly, if we try to stand out, we'd either not be noticed OR be noticed for the wrong reasons. hmm. it's the typical paradox - sometimes, solutions come naturally when we do not desperately seek them. the corollary would be that solutions are hard to find when we need them. and many other cases related.

but one should be aware that there are cases where doing an action A necessarily leads to a result B to some extent. if we are able to master which course of action to take at the right points of time, i guess it's a great thing.

what is one's worth measured by?

through my life, i hav been in doubt of my worth. why? people hav tried to explicitly or implicitly measured me, and once i'm conscious, i'd ask myself. so really, how to measure one's worth? what in fact is one's worth?

many a time we see people judging a person using: level of educational attainment. isn't it? heh. inherently, we link ur educational attainment to status, in one way or another. rather unavoidable. i've tried to prove myself wrong, but it goes in circles, we tend to judge people due to educational attainment here. generally, education = hardworker/achiever/will benefit in a (exam-)meritocratic system = money flowing into one's bank and pockets = status = security.

abit fallacious. but it happens.

but of course, there's something wrong. is that really one's worth?

have we forgotten one's real self-fulfillment and self-actualization? if i went through schooling, but am taught nothing and have not learnt how to really learn and enjoy learning instead of the money, am i really educated? is making money equal to one's worth?

i'd say i'm worth nothing, if i have no awareness of myself as a unit of the society and if i'm not kind to others. if i do become a money-churning machine, and a status-seeking despo and anything along that line, i guess i'm as good as a defective, selfish idiot sucking money away from others.

desired aims of education of singapore are rather obvious. feed the economy with skilled labourers, or if i am allowed to put it a little more crudely, coolies.

has singapore missed the point? largely, i'd guess. we have become too result-oriented. we are focusing on the numbers, the statistics. there is an inherent notion in schools that success is equal to academic success. we are trying to shift towards less tests and exams and more focus on class participation and project work, but it does not help ameliorate the situation - we are still grade-oriented. students are abetted and obliged to score, and to think that education brings status.

status. arbitrary as it may sound, but unfortunately, with education brings about some sort of a status. why do people sweep the streets? they have no education. how do people get into the government? they are educated, whatever the means may be. is education really about this potential status that one will get? does a better education separate oneself from the bourgeois?

looks like, we have forgotten how to enjoy learning. A youth who had begun to read geometry with Euclid, when he had learnt the first proposition, inquired, "What do I get by learning these things?" So Euclid called a slave and said "Give him three pence, since he must make a gain out of what he learns." question: do we enjoy what we learn? or are we juz put in somewhere, forced to learn something? are we appreciating what we are learning, or what we have learnt? i guess so.

s'pore has forgotten to get students to love what they are learning. we are required and obliged to learn both the arithmetic and the aesthetic, but we may not like any of them. den what is the point of learning? to get oneself a job. alright, fine, to get a job. but i feel that we have not had enough emphasis on the importance of enjoying education. and how does this arise? results-driven system. by my observation, whether skewed or not, it seems that one would tend to enjoy a subject he would score a high mark in, than one that he wants to read but can't get past the scoring system easily enough.

i muz say, i'm lucky. i generally enjoy what i am reading now, not because of the result, but i do find some flair in me in the subjects i am reading.

and it seems like the supposed elites in the system, may not even be an elite. tell me, how many hc students bought their way in? HAHA. it's a great joke. that aside, we can't do much, i dun tink a school will want to expel a student due to poor results. but such vested interests, they really take away the opportunity to groom a real talent than some sort of a white horse. isn't it?

in the same circuitous and slipshod manner, i shall try to describe the "leadership" that is being taught in schools here. how about, giving power to someone who has great academic ability, so that he can win a president scholarship? heh. or sometimes, giving authority to someone due to popularity? maybe yer noe. it's hard to groom a person with true leadership qualities, in fact, if i'm to be unfair, i'd say leadership qualities are congenital. what our education system is doing is somewhat right, to provide opportunities to test whether one has leadership. BUT we forget that, there's some "consequences": a person in a leadership position is presumed to have leadership qualities. and the leadership position adds on to one's resume. and makes the person seem as if he has leadership qualities. when in fact, he may have none of it. that's a potential danger.

i have spent no effort in trying to buttress the above rambling by organising them properly. in any case, now i juz hav to get around the education system. utilitarian as it may sound, but our education system is really great for an intellectual discussion and analysis, and i guess it brings great pleasure for me to talk about its pros and cons.

i just hope, our future generations will not need to learn a diversity of abstruse concepts which they will not be interested in, or will not be applicable to them in their lives. instead, i hope their education allows them to live their lives happily.

i may not know why such things are happening. i may not know what you think, feel, perceive. wadeva happens, heh. i'm not so sure. but there's some things i'm sure of.

if i increased my mean and variance by 0.0001, i guess it's still an increase. (assuming that 0.0001 is insignificant to my initial mean and variance)

all evidence has led to me rejecting the null hypothesis.

but do all these evidence matter to me? do all these ppl hu make accusations matter to me? do their opinions have weight? maybe.

in fact, maybe. i tink some ppl hav been screwing around with me. although this is my biased pov, let's put it this way. if they screw around wif me, even if i want to act normally, i will not be able to act normally. by virtue of the fact that they paint a certain picture of me in front of different people, even if i am myself, heh, i will juz be a screwed person in their opinion.

but am i right to conclude this way? i wonder, seriously. for one, most ppl will see me as stable, potentially successful. but there are the other group, hu will sae i am a lousy person, the way i behave needs improvement. fine, my character needs improvement. but for one, teach me how. HAHA. and by virtue of the fact that u claim my character needs improvement, u are trying to say my parents hav sucked in teaching me. maybe that's true. den, dun scold me. seriously, go scold my parents for giving me a lousy upbringing. which is exactly what i want to show here isn't it? HAHA

the more i ramble, the more people will tink i am lousy. isn't that the point? come, juz think this way. perceive it so. i'm fine wif it. because some of u, u all are juz nice on the surface, shit inside. there are enough examples of people who behave like shit on the surface, in their hearts they are nice people. and of course, there are enough examples of the opposite. and it is in my skewed belief that many people follow that rule. people behaving shittily probably are nice people, people behaving like angels usually hav evil intents and vested interests.

and i hope people are not blind, and i believe people are not blind. they shld be able to discern. so why am i so frustrated? why should i be bothered? HAHA. i wonder.... hahahahahahaha.

disappointed, distressed, pessmistic for the moment. disappointing turn of events. getting abit lost in the troubles, getting obsessed by material things.

this is not good. it's time to find a way out, even if i may not find one.

the below taken from hereisthenews.blogspot.com

Sep 17, 2010
Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew commented on Malaysian politics in an interview with The New York Times' Seth Mydans. We carry today excerpts from Malaysian press reactions to his remarks.

-----------------------
Of wise men & strongmen
By Tan Poh Kheng

LEE Kuan Yew and Mahathir Mohamad are strongmen, having led their countries for 31 and 22 years, respectively.

Mr Lee passed the baton to his successor in 1990 but remains active as Minister Mentor. Tun Dr Mahathir stepped down suddenly in 2003 and has been outspoken although he holds no official post.

The two strongmen are in their 80s but still wield immense influence in their respective countries and are not to be dismissed lightly.

Mr Lee's criticisms of Malaysian politics may anger some, but Malaysian politicians, including Dr Mahathir, should learn from his attitude towards race and religion.

In a recent interview with The New York Times, Mr Lee said Singapore could 'go looser' on various matters, but 'not race, language and religion'. If Singapore switched to racial politics, he warned, it is finished.

Singapore Chinese 'will not as a majority squeeze the minority... We made quite sure whatever your race, language or religion, you are an equal citizen'.

It is clear that Singapore's economic success and cohesive society are not the results of chance.

As a former prime minister, Dr Mahathir has failed to use his special status to promote national unity. He has stirred controversies and given the government trouble by criticising the policies of his successors, Tun Abdullah Badawi and Datuk Seri Najib Razak.

A recent example was Dr Mahathir's criticism of Umno for disassociating itself from the Malay rights group Perkasa, a move which he said would lead to Umno losing Malay votes.

Dr Mahathir's words have gone beyond those of a long-winded retiree seeking the limelight. His conduct in the past seven years has exposed his deep-rooted racism.

His speech, at the general assembly of Perkasa, slamming Prime Minister Najib's '1Malaysia' concept smacked of racism, disappointing people who had respected him.

Even the Minister in the Prime Minister's Department Nazri Aziz has run out of patience with Dr Mahathir and has blasted him for being inconsistent. It is clear that Dr Mahathir has torn apart racial harmony and hurt Umno as well.

A strongman has to step down one day but a wise person will maintain his integrity into his later years. Who may that wise person be: Mr Lee or Dr Mahathir?

This article appeared in Malaysia's Chinese newspaper Sin Chew Daily on Wednesday. Translated by Ho Cheeng Cheeng.


---------------------------------------

Singapore 'should emulate Malaysia'
By Tan Melaka

MINISTER Mentor Lee Kuan Yew has repeated his criticism of Malaysia's political system, saying it marginalises non-Malays by providing Malays with a special position.

Mr Lee is 87 years old while his wife, who is 89, can no longer speak after a stroke two years ago. But he appears to still harbour a grudge over his failure to plant the idea of a Malaysian Malaysia in Malaysia more than 40 years ago.

That idea was eliminated with the ouster of Singapore from Malaysia but it appears to have blossomed again after the General Election of 2008 gave a new lease of life to the Democratic Action Party (DAP) which inherited the Malaysian Malaysia idea. In fact, it's an idea that is marching ahead with the DAP having obtained Malay opposition parties' support.

Umno Youth Chief Khairy Jamaluddin aptly said Mr Lee's statement was inflammatory as it was like adding fuel to the fires of racism. Mr Lee's statement can fan the anger of Chinese Malaysians who are beginning to see 1Malaysia as Malaysian Malaysia.

Yet, based on articles in newspapers in Singapore and abroad, it appears that the social justice that Mr Lee claims to practise cannot be felt by the new generation of Singaporeans. They feel they are oppressed, especially since they see the freedom enjoyed by their closest neighbour, Malaysia. Malaysians are free to express their dissatisfaction, and can even poke fun at their national anthem!

Singaporeans have for decades lived in fear of acting or speaking. In some cases, they are not free to practise their religion. For example, incense burning is not allowed in HDB estates, while the call to prayer (azan) of mosques cannot be loud.

Mr Lee has not given young Singaporeans what Malaysia has given its young - the air of freedom. In an interview with Seth Mydans of The New York Times recently, Mr Lee rejected the new generation's demands for political openness, saying it could open the door to racial politics. But young Singaporeans do not believe in that doctrine. They are struggling in silence against the authoritarian social controls, and will do so more openly when Mr Lee is no longer in control. Meanwhile, they need moral support, especially from abroad.

Umno Youth should actually sympathise with the new generation of Singaporeans, and help them create a new Singapore that can breathe the air of freedom and democracy. At present, Singapore is a developed country with a Third World democracy.

At least in this case, Singapore should emulate Malaysia.

This article appeared in Malay daily Utusan Malaysia yesterday. Translated by Carolyn Hong.
-------------------------------------

Glory of the Great Harmony
By Lu Pinqiang

I AM not a follower of Singapore's Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew. Yet I deeply admire this statesman for his great foresight and the pragmatic ways in which he ran his country.

Earlier this month, at the ripe old age of 87, Mr Lee gave an interview to The New York Times. In it, he expressed his concerns that young Singaporeans were calling for open political debate, among other things.

He feared that the young in Singapore believe the country's achievements have come about naturally, so they can now do as they please. Mr Lee affirmed that Singapore could never be put on autopilot.

An example he gave was that each and every HDB block cannot have more than a certain percentage of Chinese, Malays or Indians. This was to make sure that all the races integrated well.

Singapore does not permit segregation or any mutual suspicion to emerge between the various races, as this is the most self-destructive thing any country can do to itself.

Not only that, it forbids the majority race from oppressing the minorities, while ensuring that all citizens are treated equally, regardless of their race, language or religion.

This is the most important aspect of national unity that the Singapore Government has been trying to instil in its people.

We can see that the second and third generations of Singapore leaders that came after Mr Lee abide by the Confucian principle of 'Great Harmony', one in which everyone is treated equally and there is mutual trust between the people.

Among all the multiracial countries in the world, Singapore's successful example is the best model for everyone to emulate.

Leaders of countries should all lead by example, be a role model to others, and promote the spirit of 'Great Harmony'. Then, the people would be of one mind with the government and would cherish peace and reject extremist views.

They would also oppose racism and sweep aside those who call on members of certain ethnic groups to 'go back to their homelands' - as happened in Malaysia recently - while working unceasingly to achieve the Confucian ideal of the 'Glory of the Great Harmony'.

The 'Glory of the Great Harmony' is the only path to achieving peace that would last eternally.

This commentary appeared in Malaysia's Chinese newspaper Sin Chew Daily on Wednesday. Translated by Terence Tan.

------------------------------------

What are his motives?
By Zaini Hassan

I WAS very interested to read the Temasek Review website. It is very critical of the Singapore Government, its ruling party, and especially Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew, 87.

There was an entry about how Mr Lee had offered permanent residency and citizenship to foreign talent, especially citizens of the People's Republic of China.

His strategy was perhaps to ensure Chinese control of Singapore and also to boost the Indian population of the Republic. Maybe he was planning to ensure that the Chinese in the People's Action Party (PAP) continue to control the island forever.

It is the same as what was done during former Malaysian prime minister Tunku Abdul Rahman's time, when he bestowed unconditional citizenship on more than a million Chinese and Indians.

The political situation in Malaysia is changing. The control of power by the Malays is being increasingly eroded. This is very good for Singapore.

In Malaysia, Malays control the government (so far), but in Singapore, it is the Chinese. There are also some Indians who are given high positions, above the Malays.

But what about the Malays in Singapore? The Singapore Government always cites meritocracy. The argument is that if the Malays are not qualified, they are not fit to hold certain offices, and therefore they are not being marginalised.

The truth is that in Malaysia, the Chinese dominate everything. The Malaysian Chinese are not interested in participating in government because they are successful in the private sector.

If we read the Temasek Review, we will find that Singapore is not what we think it is, or what the Democratic Action Party (DAP) and other opposition parties in Malaysia assume it is.

There is opposition towards the PAP Government, especially over its fondness for playing with Chinese sentiment and racism.

Reading Mr Lee's interview with The New York Times, we are not sure what his motives are by talking about his sadness over the separation of Malaysia and Singapore.

Everyone knows he is a great strategist. The question is, does he harbour ambitions of seeing Malaysia and Singapore reunited? This is not impossible. If the DAP and its allies gain control of Malaysia, the two countries could re-merge.

Then, Singapore will become Singapore Raya (Greater Singapore).

This article appeared in the Malay daily Utusan Malaysia on Wednesday. Translated by Hazlin Hassan.

---------------------------

now great question. i hate being some sort of a biased freak but do u see a disparity in the level of argument? heh

allow me the idiot, to give a critical assholic view of the situation. 1st and 3rd writer, although people will sae promoting harmony and quite in line wif my views, i'd sae actually abit restating something obvious sia. but of course a little bit of input there la, like some sarcasm employed by 1st writer, 3rd writer for highlighting the important thing that racial segregation is dangerous.

but take a look at 2nd and 4th writer. put it this way, imo they seem to hav quite some logical leaps in their arguments, centred on some cynicism and pessimism of s'pore. it's generally fine, but i was rather irritated by some misconceptions. e.g. 2nd writer sae that democracy = can poke fun at national anthem along that line (here feels real wrong i mean democracy doesn't mean u shld do anyting and everything heh), and he feel that should hav racial politics. therein lies a very standard qn, free politics or social stability? personally i'd choose the latter, others may still choose free politics though.

4th writer, 1st line very interesting. why should he believe temasek review? HAHA. it seem to show that he's bent on criticising the s'pore gov't, he overtly showed his intentions. and there is a fat extreme and not very based assertion in last line, talking about singapore raya. is it easily possible to make singapore raya? plz man... if china can't even get spratly islands in the short run, what makes singapore raya possible? put it this way, s'pore land size smaller than malaysia. malaysia has like about 28 million inhabitants, and it's freakin gov't controlled. is it so easy to collude and get it into s'pore? and do ppl even want it? personally i'd sae lousy idea to do so.

well that's about my myopic comments, feel free to hav some input too

muz destroy inner demons. looks like jealousy is consuming people, greed is also consuming people around me a within me.

as i may hav discussed, some things that drive/motivate human action will be greed and jealousy. they seem to like to work hand in hand. being jealous of someone may lead u to covet what he has, in certain situations. let's say, someone has a lot of money. i am jealous he has greater purchasing power over me, he can buy more bowling ball, can buy more food. thus, i will become greedy, i will go and earn more money to match him out of jealousy, and in desperate cases, i may even steal from him out of greed, which stemmed from jealousy.

hmm. not a good example, abit of logical leaps. but about there la. so i tink we needa beware ourselves. cannot fall into the trap. although i fall into it considerably often enough.

Everytime-Simple Plan Lyrics

nice simple plan song. bg abit bright though haha

feel. this word is very arbitrary.

where does it apply? where i've come in contact and that i can recall for now, 2 places, namely in a game or sport, and in interaction with others.

even though arbitrary, it seems that it is an important element of success, and it seem that u cannot cultivate or hone ur feel to a very high level. it can be improved, but it can never achieve the standard of an "innate" feel. let's say, person A has feel for person B. person B claims to have no feel for person A. person B may choose to build up some sort of a feeling for person A. but this feeling is not as strong as that of, if hypothetically, person B is interested in a person C that sort of a feeling. or that person B juz can't build up that feel for the person A.

that was very incoherent, but there is half a parallel to sport. sport is not animate, but it does have some resemblance to such a situation. suppose person A is really interested in soccer. train everyday. but unfortunately, he is not technically gifted. sure, he may train 1st touch and juggling etc to improve dribbling and ball control. but he will never attain the standard that a pro may have and some may attribute it to lack of feel. maybe for example because person A is not able to anticipate certain situations well or is not able to be creative on chances.

but the qn is, so does feel define ur level of success and attainment? i'm not so sure. i may respect such a person A for being able to persevere in training. but wad we see is that he cannot be able to perform at a desired level for a lack of innate ability. also, the person A is not able to win over person B due to again a lack of feel. so our level of success determined by feel?

i don't know. but for one, i do know, we have put in effort, we should not have regrets. as a certain teacher say, marks don't define you, even if u failed u are not a failure. so we may have no feel, but if we have tried to do sth about it in an area which we do not hav a comparative advantage in, maybe we shld juz keep in mind that we will never produce real impressive results. instead be realistic and know that we have produced a reasonable result.

i try to throw the picture out of my mind, wanna leave the memories behind.
here by the ocean, waves carry voices from you...

there's a little unnecessary insecurity and uncertainty within me, in fact maybe it's warranted. but i tink i shall take on the utilitarian POV, juz take a hu cares attitude and go on. i've got tings to do, everyone got their things to do. so why bother so much man.

well. it's assholic to sae. 2 day miracle for bt2.

how about a 2 day miracle now, for math, for prelim? wad's wif the thank you and goodbye? idiots. so, at least 80% should be a plausible aim. time to brush up on pure, math. idiotic.

i see, how jilted lovers of another education level behave. it's rather scary, rather shocking, and if i'm allowed to say, disgusting.

well. i have a cantonese song to tell them also though. 放手豁出所有，还有这个好友，已经已经足够. 所谓拿得起放得下。yea not easy. easy to sae nia. but sometimes it's about psychoing urself successfully. if u're able to do so, u're not bad alr. and tink of the benefits of doing so. personally, u'd be taking the next best alternative. but how about societally? if u choose to let go, u're improving social welfare by a considerable amount in fact. so which u choose? a selfish bastard, or take the next best choice for urself but increase social benefits?

therein lies another (not so good example of the) personal-social benefit trade-off situation.

如果再见是为了再分，失去才算是永恒，一次新的记忆为何还要再生？？
我从来不敢给你任何诺言是因为我知道我们太年轻

but it's ok. 既然爱了就不怨悔，多少的痛我也愿意背，我的爱如潮水，爱如潮水将我想你推紧紧跟随，爱如潮水它将你我包围

being a little optimistic doesn't hurt. but sometimes we need to be realistic. half of the time, the realistic part of life is good, the other part is bad. quite obvious. but why we focus on the bad too much? we shld take the action of weighing all possible outcomes, instead of just thinking one way, either super optimist or super pessimist. thus, people like me go ahead and talk like a half idiot. so u'd say things like, hmm this may happen, i am rather positive this would happen, yer noe, allow room for error. dun sae, this must happen man.

Jeff Chang - 别怕我伤心

怀念你柔情似水的眼睛，是我天空最美丽的星星。
不知在远方的你是否能感应。

well i do know from some sources that humans are communal beings.

but i tink i hav faced certain situations where humans become anti-communal. and sometimes humans become this way when they are in a situation where they can build on a certain communal relationship. why so?

i'd guess sometimes rational thought overrides the emotional connection we may seek, or wad we may put it as animal instincts.

for instance, i hav in fact chosen not to associate myself with certain people whom i tink are very self-absorbed and/or self-centred. i know it is not very nice of me to do so, but i'm not sure of the real reason why i'm doing so. i mean these people if you have a personal relationship with them usually won't be bad to u (although i do know some of these are really bad cases, will backstab u at any opportunity). and of course, one can build a good relationship with them, whether friends or some good working relation. but sometimes we choose not to.

and i'd postulate that we do not choose to maintain a candid relationship with them is because we are worried of the"societal" consequences. meaning, if i were to go around with this person, i'd be seen in this light. for example, i don't enjoy hanging around with extremely irresponsible for the very reason that i do not want to be assumed as some irresponsible person. similarly, some people may not want to go around with me because of the fear of being associated as some coffee-drinking, direct remark making person. for the very reason that they being around wif me, will lead to people generalising them as me. ditto for people choosing not to maintain a relationship with someone wif "undesirable" characteristics.

but in light of such selfish considerations, i'd sae: juz go ahead and be associate with them la. that applies to me oso. on the assumption that these people really have no evil intentions to stab u, that's self-explanatory, that person won't do u any harm. and moreover one more friend means one less potential enemy.

so my qn to myself will be, why nid to hide certain dealings i hav wif others under the carpet? quite lame sia. but on the same note, no point "publicising" it. i mean show off for wad? i got alot of dealings and links arh? really sia. if i really had links, i'd be doing business in china and india and africa and drinking money and oil.

fractionation. i believe i've mentioned this somewhere in my blog long ago.

but it's really fascinating, that one can really become irrational over decisions of others. we're unable to consider logically or economically when faced with certain pressures or when the decision-making process is greatly controlled by a certain factor.

take for example, a drug addict. yes, he may want to quit taking heroin. but the withdrawal symptoms he has from not taking heroin may just override all his rational thoughts of stopping drugs, and "force" him to start drugs again.

but fractionation is even greater power, imo. claims of fractionation and its sucesses: men who are deemed by society to be ugly were able to hook up if i'm not wrong 15 women in 1 month for sex just by fractionating these women. talk about rational minds, heh.

maybe the human mind is really fragile? i dunno. hahahahahah

the realities of the world - to the discerning/observant, it is quite clear cut. to the apathetic/innocent, life seems good.

need we educate ourselves and have some sense of discernment, or juz believe wad is fed to us? i'm not so sure. for one, by economics analysis, there is opportunity cost to any course of action. which should we have? become discerning then act stupid, or juz see the world through nice rosy views?

of course i know the wide spectrum of views to this. but... juz to bring it up for discussion again nia

opportunity. when it comes, shld we take it? is it ethical? is it economical? or isit juz another emotional judgement?

there are many factors affecting whether we do take the opportunity up. obviously, as human, as another animal with instincts, we may tend to go along it. but unfortunately, we are aware of ourselves as a part of a bigger society. will our actions affect family/relatives, friends, community, country? we have to take all these into consideration. but the very immediate cost we consider will be our personal opportunity cost.

taking the chance. will we have to give up another? many a time yes. say, i am offered a certain scholarship. if i take it up, i probably will forgo other scholarships which may confirm me a job in a sector i have interest in, and i will of course have to forgo the free time i wld have in slacking, or the time i could spend in indulging in music, sport, books. if i do not take the scholarship, i wld forgo its prestige, the education chance, the subsidy for my education. likewise, other things in life often present us with opportunities. how do we really consider whether we shld grab the chance?

from my personal experiences (which may turn out to be right or opposite thereof), people would tell me, follow your heart. yes, follow your heart is a viable option. but many a time, that is succumbing to our animal instincts. the world is harsh; realities are present. going with our hearts, does not mean going along with the hearts of others, and as important, it does not mean going along with the minds of others. they may have economical considerations, personal problems and opinions to your decision.

herein lies another question to people who ask me to go by my instincts - my instincts have generally driven me to the wrong economic benefit (and for certain situations, societal/communal benefit). shld i then, continue trusting my instincts? if my instincts bring about negative consequences to me and others, is it right/ethical to follow it? well it may still be ethical, i mean i'm not killing anyone, eating cash, forgery. is that the best?

another fundamental question. what is the intrinsic/extrinsic values of the opportunity? again, opportunity costs. say yes, u get it's benefits, and forgo existing benefits. say no, u reap existing benefits, u forgo possible benefits. the uncertain future, as keynes posits, can be strongly manipulated OR affected by businessmen. businessmen's speculations have strong effects on economy - take a look a japan, which i wld consider a prime victim of the lack of business sentiment. stagnating economy, old people. 1 smart man sae, let's go to other asian tigers, get out of aging japan, everybody get out and go to hk, taiwan, s'pore, s korea, indon, india, china. no more FDI to japan.

but of course, if the economy is not strongly affected by I, then u can draw a parallel to USA, maybe france. C and G probably more important there.

similarly, back to a personal opportunity. the parallel i'm tryna show is that, is there a possibility that ur decision has to be based on societal/community views? and what do they deem the opportunity as? or it is juz a standalone, independent personal decision?

obviously, many opportunities wld concern other people. the human factor may dictate our actions. i do not know.

in my utopian world, of course i wld like to choose, and everyone wld go along with my decision, and they do not judge and they wld accept the decision. not that i hate detractors, but i do have a dislike for pessimists. detractors may even be beneficial. but how about, in our lives, we face a whole slurry of detractors and pessimists, ready to shoot us with their guns of righteousness or holier-than-thou attitudes or sometimes, true genius, wisdom and rationalism. aww. brings up the qn. shld we trust others? HAHA

nvm. i'm getting irrational and incoherent.

there is market failure in the market for lawyers.

with more money, u get better lawyers basically. + if u have money, u will tend to win cases more often than not. UNLESS, u're in USA, and the lawyers there are out to prove their worth. how many ppl sue mcdonald for providing imperfect information, leading to their uninformed decision and thus turning fat, and won the freakin court case? hahaha

good point to think about eh.

if u have time, read the 1st website, then the next:

http://lkyspp.nus.edu.sg/ips/docs/media/yr2010/ST_Save%20or%20spend%20Two%20sides%20of%20the%20coin_260710.pdf

then this:

http://ayummysliceoflife.wordpress.com/2010/07/26/the-difference-between-a-social-scientist-and-a-culturalist/

very interesting 3rd POV, HAHA. he basically ownt.

i already forgotten wad i referred to ytd. HAHA.

but in any case, certain situations, it's worth it to bear the consequences of getting ur hand in it. in other situations, we shld juz shy away from the situation and play safe, and not incur the opportunity costs of getting involved.

but, do not be too kaypoh, it's good to sit back and watch the show unfold. nonetheless be selfish, dun tell the story to too many ppl, some stories are supposed to be untold and then unravelled another day.

stupid idiots

假话说了一百遍就可成真。你不明白这个道理？idiotic. these lies, at the end of the day though perceived as real, are still fkin lies. geddit

not sure wad's going on. but, i'm rather sceptical for the moment.

let me be abit light-hearted about all the happenings for now, so that everyone is able to breathe easy and that hydrogen sulfide does not surround the air.

but maybe, later i release cyanides, HAHA. den that's death

must the bible elucidate facts about science? must religion be reconciled with science?

heh. i think not. but of course, the atheists will shuff all the evidence of evolution down my throat.

whether or not said in appeasement of the catholic church, galileo once upon a time said, the bible's main purpose is to teach us the way to go to heaven, not the way the heavens go. need i know how i originated so as to go to heaven? so as to believe in god? so as to live my life?

similarly, need i know how my computer came about, before i can use it to play games, surf porn, gossip, facebook?

pls man. all this religion and science crap, in my opinion is crap. i have the policy of a typical, rather lazy and apathetical guy. which is, 要玩，你去玩，不要玩到跳楼自杀就好，或者被鬼浮就好. is it necessary to reject religion in place of science, or to reject scientific knowledge due to religious obligations? i do not see the need to. one gives me idea to live my life to more shiokness, one gives me the way to heaven and afterlife. rejecting either one makes no economical sense anyways. heh.

but in any case, go on, make some clones and some weirdo superhumans. u'll never know, god has planned the world anyway. maybe such things are meant to be already. let them happen, dun stop them, so that all of us may ascend by rapture earlier.

call me mad, but i'm juz speaking the ugly truth that most of anti-theism people hate to hear, since it is probably a great insult to their intelligence.

dan kao nei mei dan wong wong yat gao qing noh yun ma yin dai zo lei lao hen sang yat sang gan nei zao.

well. na bo pi li eh sio sa, xin tao ya buay jia bo nai. HAHA. how familiar, how familiar. i don't know why, but i know why too. i may not fully understand, but i do observe it. it's juz like, when those ppl find out from rutherford's experiment, those weird observations. they thought atom was nice chunk, but in the end from the alpha particle scattering, siala, why got fat deflection one? haha. so that time, they don't understand, but they hav to accept the fact that, wa alpha particle muz kena deflected this way.

so similarly in life, i reckon some situations they juz happen, even though we don't fully understand the "mechanisms" of action. maybe it's due to our amount of observations and experience, or lack thereof.

人们啊，要发酒疯，也得选正当、合适的地方来发。

记得，如果你在公共场所大便，不是每次会有人来帮你清理。小心被警察发现。。。哈哈哈！那时，后果应该不堪设想。

that reminder goes out to me too. HAHA

most people want teamwork, but they're really lazy in communication.

i hav to sae, teamwork probably will not b possible without communication of any sort. by a wink of an eye, a written message, a hand gesture, we may effectively convey a message to the other party and achieve a certain expected outcome.

but i find many a time we seem to be unable to communicate properly. how about this, u send a message, then u get null return. assume a certain warfare situation, null return highly indicates the other party's death, absence, or probably this ally has turned traitor. HAHA

a null return leads to a breakdown in communication. in such a situation, it is highly probable that the teamwork is gone. teamwork gone, nobody will be achieving a socially efficient aim. then, no socially efficient outcome of any chain of action.

an optimistic situation in the stock market, but shld u believe? quite dangerous to believe but the probable payout is high.

scarly bubble nia. property bubble, everyone lose. wadeva bubble, 爆炸, juz die.

报仇。

if u'd seek revenge for ur whole life, i dun tink one lifetime is enough. art of living is about forgiving oneself and others, instead of meditating on wrongdoings. wrongdoings are great opportunities to take some time to reflect, instead of just used as an excuse to give urself procrastination time by blaming others or urself. c'mon man, move on. stuck wif all unhappiness and transgression and unpaid debts, u'll juz sit down and do nothing.

i rather you hav many bad debts that probably unpaid here and there, than u go and 追债. scarly u take chopper to do that, then tio arrested

irresponsible.

shld we just judge people as irresponsible, when they did make a big mistake BUT they did not know the consequence of it?

in my situation, i dun tink i will. in fact, i seem to be taking that responsibility for such people. but maybe it's juz a figment of my imagination. but if it's really not my responsibility, then i shld juz heck care. HAHA. seems like i'm insecure kid now. i shld go and find my locker. so as to safeguard my valuables.

but u'll never know. a locker can be hacked. HAHA. good senseless rambling. good for health.

人家借酒消愁，我戒酒消愁。为何？饮酒过渡，导致自己失去控制。当时，本来想消愁，最后变成愁上加优。

instead, if u were to stop clouding ur senses, maybe u'd find a solution anytime soon, and not face the risks of making some irrational, illogical, immoral mistake.

is it prohobitive? o man.

wad shld i sae?

how are people expected to conduct themselves?

for the smart, they are expected to conduct themselves in a certain manner. the less educated, another manner. the evil, another manner. and the list goes on of these traits.

but more often than not, we always see conflicting personalities and the conduct of the person. an evil person disguises himself as an altruistic fellow. the smart and caring usually portray themselves as lowly or regularly passing snide remarks. the responsible do not always take up leadership positions but give it to others, who may be much worse at the job.

there comes another problem - how should u then accurately judge a person? HAHA. this is where we fail many a time. we fall into the hands of tricksters, or people who make use of us just because they pass themselves off as caring people or anything along the line. an observant and analytical person's criticism is usually passed off as this person being extremely pessimistic, and people may view him as cynical and serious when he may actually be a light-hearted person.

a little no link. but in conclusion, we should not judge people too quickly. they say, what we see is only the tip of the iceberg. how about scientists who tell you there's the other 90% of it below the water surface? another point, beware of confidence tricksters or people who are of the same de Broglie wavelength.

we are fickle beings.

kua tio peng, mai jiak. kua tio sai, ai jiak sai. that's why we get ourselves into deep shit, cos shit seems to be very attractive. HAHA.

draw some parallels, u may see it this way!

Shame, this ugly Singapore Slam

by Yeo Sam Jo
styouth@sph.com.sg

5 Jul 2010

Straits Times

Let’s support each other, rather than strive to put everyone down – especially ourselves

It is official: We hate ourselves. I say this because of some recent events which should have been proud moments for our country, but instead degenerated into shameful displays of slander, pettiness and a nation divided.

Just think about this year’s Miss Singapore Universe pageant and the World Table Tennis Championships. Clearly, we do not want each other to succeed. I mean, why else would we start demeaning rumours about our own beauty queen, and scorn our paddlers for winning us a gold in Moscow?

It is strange, given how much we enjoy being first: First in line, first in class, first to eat.

But if history is anything to go by, we are also the first to bring each other down. I will call this the Singapore Slam – where we slam everyone and everything, especially those we call our own.

In this Internet age, online forums, blogs and websites readily breed this culture of self-loathing. They provide the fertile medium for virtual insults to be hurled with little thought. After all, dissing someone else is only a click away. A friend of mine once remarked that five minutes of reading YouTube comments is more than enough to lose all hope for humanity.

I still hear the echoes of our past glories tainted with snide comments: “Gawd, Fann Wong’s English was cannot-make-it in Shanghai Knights.”

“Please lah, Hady Mirza was just lucky to have won Asian Idol.”
“I Not Stupid is really, erm, stupid.”

And the self-deprecating list goes on.

Speaking of which, where are our Singapore Idols? I saw Taufik’s CD going for $2 at a music store. Sure we love a good bargain, but I’d like to think our “Idol” deserves more than that. Unless it is National Day, we do not hear many of our home-grown singers on our airwaves. Or wait – maybe we just do not want to.

It is no wonder so many of our talents have gone overseas to get famous. It is just so darn hard to impress the crowd here. If Stefanie Sun had based her career back home, I’m guessing she would have been drowned out by critics sooner than she could croon My Desired Happiness.

Instead of putting our icons and winners on a pedestal, we knock them down with the classic Singapore Slam. Of course, some of us have higher expectations, and there are always exceptions like the Merlion, which we have come to regard with affection.
But surely we do not need to be disparaging about everything. We pride ourselves on being a tight-knit country, yet aside from food, we are stingy with our praises, and appreciation for one another is disturbingly scarce.

I do not know if this is misguided humility or some subconscious jealousy, but there is a dangerous message we are sending to our young and eager ones: “Don’t get in the spotlight, nobody will support you.”

Or: “Stay low, you’re not good enough anyway.”

If we keep doing this, let us not talk about a brain drain – nobody is even going to try. Then Singapore will really be nothing to shout about, and it is ultimately we who stand to lose the most. So instead of jeering, how about cheering? Think of the World Cup and Eurovision, where people fervently rally behind their countrymen. I doubt any footballer or singer could make it without such support.

We also see it in our schools, where young athletes are driven to shine by their encouraging peers. It is amazing how a simple thumbs-up can make a difference.
So before you pass the next nasty comment, think about who you are really harming.
Philosopher Rene Descartes said: “It is easy to hate, and it is difficult to love.”
I say it is about time we choose what is right over what is easy.

-----------------------
obtained from http://forum.channelnewsasia.com/viewtopic.php?t=356526&start=10&sid=ebdbde9f154aea7b7cccb537e9218548
-----------------------

very interesting.

Jacky Cheung 张学友 - Fen Shou Zong Yao Zai Yu Tian 分手總要在雨天

another

Jacky Cheung 她來聽我的演唱會 Live

song god = song god

identity above is proven, by induction, because disprove yet.

wa peng you ar. wa ga le gong, ai pia zui, friendly fire tio ho. mai lai long zong chiong. wa humji.

HAHA. so well, pia most of the fights and struggles, left abit more. shld b okok happy happy. may it be so, amen.

i think it's a sad fact of life. many a time, we can't understand our parents, and they can't understand us too. it's quite a tragedy, i duno. no matter how effective ur communication is, not only wif parents, wif anybody, we cannot fully understand.

BUT. it doesn't mean, we can't stop believing them, trusting and loving them. there is a fine line between understand and the faith in them.

let me giv a sort of abstract example. religion. why do you believe in a god/gods? do you fully understand him? do u understand why buddha did wad he did and taught wad he taught? there are some reasons, yes, but u will never fully get to know him. even if you do, u may not understand or rationalise wif his philosophies. on the same note, we may not understand why in christianity jesus was sent to die, and the doctrine of the holy trinity, and why would god kill people who do not believe him even though people were made in his image.

contrast over to ur parents. do you understand why they let u do certain things or live vicariously through you? do you understand that in fact, they have their own insecurities. we may not fully understand and see it from their perspective. but does that mean, since it is liddat, i don't have to trust my parents? and go on to hate and doubt them?

the bond between parent and child i would guess will be based strongly on a certain emotional connection. as much as we may be unhappy wif our parents, will we eventually hate them enough to truly disown/dishonour/disacknowledge them? i dun think so.

assume S follows a normal distribution. mean of S now is about 67, standard deviation should be around 8. S~N(67, 64)

what is the probability of me getting A?
what is the probability of me getting C or D?

i hope i can shift the E(S) higher. seriously.

一步一步来。

但是现在是何时了？？四星期一瞬间过去，哈哈，我还可以在这里徘徊。

ownt. lack of time defines this coming few days. it's time to play the art of maximising time, and i predict, 1 year of my life's gone. opp cost of working doubly hard when actually u alleviate such unnecessary stress through good diligence: your HEALTH.

my current mindset seems to be that, my health can be sacrificed insofar as i produce something that i want to. very unhealthy. HAHA. shiet. i better get some diligence into myself, before anything happens.

the world is upside-down

that's because, the stupid think they know everything and how the world works, while those who are discerning and observant think that they don't know anything and submit to the stupid.

if the world gives a damn to those who know more, it will surely become a better place. for now, it's just blind leading the blind in a very vicious and voracious cycle. wad the crap man. HAHA

where do you stand in the society? where do you stand among ppl whom hold dear to you? plz play your part.

therefore, maybe i have been a lousy son, a lousy person. how sad

但我拥有你我的心再也不下雪。

maybe i can take solace in certain things that i may know of. and certain things which i put my hope in. some people say hope keeps people alive. probably it applies to me. very overwhelming hope, very overwhelming optimism and positivism...

for your reading pleasure. source: STI

------------------------------------------

Jun 15, 2010
'We might kowtow if...'
Ex-PM Mahathir says political split could make them a weak minority, 'like S'pore Malays'
By Reme Ahmad, Assistant Foreign Editor

Dr Mahathir said Malay Malaysians did not want others to kowtow before them, but wanted a fair distribution of wealth and power.

KUALA TERENGGANU - MALAYS in Malaysia could end up as a weak minority if they remain politically divided, said former prime minister Mahathir Mohamad, comparing them to Malay Singaporeans.

Even though Malay Singaporeans enjoy the benefits of a more developed country, they had to 'kowtow' to others, he claimed yesterday, returning to a rhetoric he often espoused as prime minister.

Dr Mahathir addressed some 1,000 Malay activists at a Malay rights rally in the capital of Terengganu state. This was well below the expected turnout of 5,000, and organisers blamed this on the World Cup, reported The Star newspaper.

Dr Mahathir said: 'The position of the Malays (in Malaysia) is in deep crisis and precarious. If they do not think deeply and act wisely, one day, we could become like Malay Singaporeans, a group without power who have to terbongkok-bongkok (kowtow) before others.

'We do not want others to kowtow before us, but we want a fair distribution of power and wealth.'

Tun Dr Mahathir's speech came amid fears among some in the community that Malays will lose their dominant status in Malaysia, especially with the increasing influence of opposition coalition Pakatan Rakyat and its focus on multiracialism.

... anyway, he goes on to sae that if there were no protection of malays, and Malaysia go democratic, Malays will lose out to other races. then he goes on to argue that malays are weaker and shld b allowed more opportunities; by giving opp to the weak then we will facilitate a more homogeneous society. then he goes on to argue this is why the admission criteria of university is some ratio of malays must be in.


but imo, sorry dr mahathir, ur own fellow countryman has stood up for the truth and spoke. it seems that ur discriminatory methods have led to self-resignation and corruption and not achieving economic efficiency. yea. economic efficiency. u want money for urself or for ur country? think about it. HAHA.

---------------------


I READ with concern Tuesday's report, 'Malaysian Malays might kowtow to others if...', in which former Malaysian prime minister Mahathir Mohamad claims that even though Malay Singaporeans enjoy the benefits of a more developed country, they have to 'terbongkok-bongkok' (kowtow) to others.

Tun Dr Mahathir could have been more sensitive towards the feelings of Singapore Malays.

As a Malay Singaporean living and working peacefully with fellow Singaporeans of all races, I cannot agree with what he said.

Singapore's leaders worked hard for many years to achieve racial harmony, tolerance and understanding among Singaporeans. Today, we live and work together as one family; and we have reaped the rewards of being one of the safest and most developed nations in the world.

While Dr Mahathir's opinion on Malay Singaporeans enjoying the benefits of a developed country is spot-on, we have never kowtowed to others. Singaporeans of all races, including Malays, engage in healthy debate and discussions with our Government. The decisions made by the Government, after hearing feedback from its people, are respected as we trust it is in the best interests of all Singaporeans.

Through community support and hard work, Malay students in Singapore have bettered their results in various national examinations. Such achievements are celebrated by all Singaporeans.

With better education, Malay Singaporeans have achieved a better lifestyle for their families compared with a large percentage of Malays in Malaysia. We worked hard to be where we are today and in no way kowtow to anyone to gain success. Meritocracy remains the benchmark of our society. While this works in Singapore, it may not work in Malaysia.

Having many relatives, friends and business associates of all races in Malaysia requires me to travel frequently across the Causeway. Over the years, I have seen and learnt that for the minority to succeed in Malaysia, they need to kowtow to others.

The irony is that many ordinary Malaysian Malays who have no connections, or fail to share their potential success with the 'right' people, will never have it easy to succeed. Perhaps, favouritism, cronyism and bribery are problems Dr Mahathir may want to address in his country.

As for me, a Malay Singaporean, I would like to say thank you to my Singapore leaders. You have made Singapore the best place to live peacefully in for me and my family.

Mustaffa Othman

----------------------------------

what say you? haha. well protection may work to some extent. but now protection of malays is such a state that malays all turn resigned to the fact that the state will help them. pls, u say chinese there are sucking malay wealth. fren, they worked their asses and got their money, thus obviously they will accumulate wealth. if the malays are as hardworking over in malaysia, confirm will have same money as chinese if not more.

in s'pore malay study den can alr. ppl in parliament probably can testify to that.

but maybe this issue not so much of concern to me, i shall not kaypoh anymore. i tink malaysians will have more to say than me to this issue HAHA

now i c. to strike many many during training is so simple. it's like nothing. throw wadeva ball oso can strike wad. but during the comp, hehe. wan strike ar? harder than suicide.

怕死亡? HAHA. some young people do.

some simple insecurities that one can tackle, so that u dun hav to fear it. 1st insecurity: i haven't done enough on earth, i dowan to die. u sure? as a young kid, u rather die now than later. later got more responsibility. as a parent, i won't want to die either. but for now, since i only answerable to my parents, i rather i tio death now than later when i earn money and hav to support my parents and children.

second insecurity is, will people remember me? HAHA. some people meng tink of that. so they decide to put impression into people's minds by desperately making an image for themselves and doing all sort of stunts. HAHA. i laugh at these people. if u die, i will remember u for who u are. den, so u wan me to remember u as a person who enjoy doing stunts and going to socialising and doing nothing good for society, instead of a polite, thoughtful, helpful, well-mannered person who enjoyed peace and calm? maybe la, i can't control too HAHA

all i can sae, for myself, i will prevent accidents that can lead to my death as far as possible. BUT in the unfortunate event, that i'm murdered, kidnapped and tortured and 五马分尸, i am sure of where i'm going and that i will not regret leaving the earth too soon. humji simi? u can always reduce the amount of worries u have if u lead a responsible and guilt-free life. if u live irresponsibly, then ppl in the world will hav to pay back ur wrongdoings.

juz like loanshark find ur family for money after u die (means u haven't paid ur debts), or u leave behind ur family which depends on ur cash (means probably, u hav spent away all their money and now they depend on ur cash. if ur parents spent away all ur cash and u die, then different case)

---------------

a sudden and random stroke of inspiration. i'm sure there are alot of flaws. u can pick them up and attack them and practice ur gp aq.

so everyone dowan sae and assume it's an unspoken understanding.

so it's a supposed social understanding, eh? maybe i'm not updated myself enough, else my parents have not taught me well enuff. i hav no idea. but i feel rather confused. if it's a social understanding, why i get a 50-50 response to the right thinking, right philosophy, right behaviour? HAHA. le gong simi? so i nid to sit on the fence and crack my butt sitting on it?

but nvm. as far as i noe, sometimes ppl like to leave it in the middle cos it's about the best thing to do. okla, wa zai wa zai. bo gong tio ho sei liao..... seriously, only recently i understand such a thinking is so freakin prevalent. BUT it's ok. i now know it's prevalent.

but, for now, let me seek to understand why. and now, i'm speculating this thinking is prevalent thanks to lack of realism and exposure. fml. i rather be a stupid young boy hu still can idealise the world... hahhahahahaha

thus, le mai gong, it's gotta be k... as usual, if other ppl were to understand it otherwise and not sit in their own thinking, i'm happy alr. now, everyone insists this is ok. as much as i think this thinking is bad and too prevalent for the good of society, unfortunately its spread has become so great that it is inevitable for everyone to accept. think of it in the other perspectives, and you may see why there are people thinking the other way. if u dun, it's ok. i will keep quiet, and try to understand why.

hope will make my world go round? in fact, i reckon hope makes everyone's world go round. the hope of not hoping is a hope too.

life's bad, but it only depends on hu is perceiving it. HAHA

the root of the problem is evil. evil likes to intrude into our lives, infiltrate our thoughts and manifest in our actions.

we need to seek to eliminate it. now some of the biggest evil i hav in me is jealousy, in place acceptance. another evil is the evil of greed and expectation, instead of contentment.

since the decision is made, to leave game, i should also do f12 end game. instead of staring the screem which says "YOU HAVE BEEN DISCONNECTED". quit mission. HAHA.

that fkin missed strike really costs a life. it cost pride.

it means, i will end wif fkin no portfolio. nothing. ya, so wad? wad experience? wad self fulfilment? i dun lie to myself - this society is wad? is merit-based. i mean, nearly everywhere is. go die. seriously. i remember, someone ask me. why u not in bowling exco? HAHA. i sae, m si wa eh business. how about my friend who overperform me? he oso not in exco. HAHA. justice isn't done on earth, it need to be earned. the only place where justice is done is heaven, if u dun believe heaven then it is a certain utopian world.

from now on, per spare miss, some form of reminder muz be imposed. no more jokes when training for competing for money.

and i've effectively lost my mood to study for wadeva reason. my mind has become rather irrational for now. ya come, come and sae me. hope that i may become rational again. some people dun noe how to be a human. maybe i'm one of them.

now, i shall go and find 出路 on internet, any okok organisation for their paths for my life, and that i may have an interest in. no more jokes. i shall be a gahmen dog. it works for everyone in s'pore.

bible says, the spirit is willing but the flesh, weak.

well many a time, this applies to the rational thinkers. if u think rationally, u will find ur solution. but why u still can't get urself out of sticky situation?? that's because, spirit is willing but the flesh, weak. u noe wad u hav to do. but realities seem to prevent us from taking the rational decision. very hard. haha

i mean many ppl face it. even me. rational decision hard to make cos there will b ppl talking about u. so we rather stay status quo and stick wif current criticism, than change and tio other criticism. haha. wad can i sae? of course, let us hope that others will be understanding and they won't be so lame to criticise u. isn't it? the flesh is weak. but i tink, sometimes, a bit of madness may help u out of ur sticky situation.

and, irrational ppl, harder. for irrational ppl, they will have to become rational again 1st. if u can sit down and talk about ur problems objectively and not emotionally, there shld b a way out, step by step. dun tink u're god and settle everyting at 1 go. heh.

希望你会在患难中支持我。

so that's me, at 26th. FML. if i struck on that stupid pin 4 frame, i wld +21 pins, and i wld scrape nicely at 18th. saddddddd.

i wldn't sae i've done lousily. i've surpassed myself. but i dun tink as of now it's enough. tink about it, 2 months 1 new style and having the face to particpate in s'pore open wif shitty styles. getting my name temporarily into the qualified sheet. good try...

time to move on after having so many lessons learnt.

difficult pill to swallow, but sometimes our best is not wad is expected of us. HAHA. so thus, strive for excellence even more. and this can only be done with resilience. the resilience of one can inspire oneself, as well as others. if u had been through testing and difficult times, u will live to tell the story to others. rmb, as an unselfish person, we shld take our time to encourage others along the way.

i can sae, i'm won't be here if not for the multitudes of ppl hu have encouraged me one way or another.

pity by others doesn't get u anywhere, but the encouragement of the kind is great power that you can tap on when u're in crisis.

don't look for pity. look for encouragement. some ppl like to appear like a pitiful kid. apparently it works for 5min, then it doesn't for the rest of ur life.

so in fact, we are judged. the world is rather ugly, but i think i shld still uphold a nice image of the world.

is it i listen to the world too much, or juz that i haven't listened enough to the world? i've been told to listen to myself. so i did that. but unfortunately, world saes i haven't listened to them, haven't interacted with them, and will not blend in. so am i obliged to blend in? i really wonder.

now, i face injury and fatigue which is more severe than my hand muscle injury, which i was able to put it aside rather successfully.

by my understanding as of now, maybe i was wrong in too many areas. i have too many wrong concepts, wrong understanding, wrong presumptions, wrong predictions, wrong chocies. or so other people say. so by my understanding, i shld be going for a great revamp.

HOWEVER of course there will be the opposition which says i shld be using my own thinking and my own values. which shld i trust?

i don't know. i will want something that will provide me results.

maybe it's juz reparations.

too many wrong courses of action. i surrender. i know i have done my businesses. but unfortunately, many a time we muz understand not everyone can use 1 hand to clap. usually we need 2. and many a time, even as i have made my rational decisions, there are irrational opinions left within me, or coming from others.

so as usual, after an activity i believe all of us know wad is aar. or synonyms to aar. it's good to do that so that u find out wad's wrong.

but interestingly, after i done aar, i find no problem, no harm done, nothing. but i do find some conflicting points. either ppl judge me, or i fail. heh. so which should i believe?

nvm. it's incoherent here.

i'm not at best state for the time being. this is not good.

not very optimistic for a while. tink about it, if we have to assimilate into other's thinking so as to survive, then many a time we are forgoing our values for something worthless. yet, this something worthless gives u a place in society.

which will you choose? a place in the society by a worthless act, or stand firm to urself?