Neutral

Sunday, March 04, 2012

ownership.

sth that we all wanna feel for ourselves.

fkin hell. now i c why there's a whole bunch of ppl hu wanna play rather than work. fkin cb. i tell u, u go tink about it. which parent from young will teach a child to go play instead of studying for test? u wan to make a child study, can. make him fail all his tests and then one day he fkin realises that he nids to study (shld i sae work hard to hone a skill) minimally before he can succeed in any sector in the society.

why i feel 0 motivation to go and apply my scholarships or think seriously about a job? i've never been given ownership of wad i do. u tink i really love to study v hard? i dun tink so. i dun feel the ownership in studying. my mother ask me apply scholarship. my father ask me go find wad i wan to do. yea sure bro, find wad i wan to do? bowling, slacking. cos these are the tings they dun tell me to do, but i do and get moderately ok doing them. i feel ownership. i feel like i built up the skills through my own hard work instead of someone's nagging. that's why i feel good doing those.

studying? sure, it gets me much positive attention from peers and teachers. but, fuck it. do i really feel as much pride in it as my 26th qual position in graded B? i dun tink so seriously. why so? cos, in our society, 99.9% (good estimate seriously) of ppl are asked by their parents to study. study as in academic, not even vocational tings. they dun really care about vocational stuff like seriously. i can cook, is that impt in many ppl eyes? no. i can make a good movie. is that impt in many ppl eyes here?

next, why i dun wana study. or hav less incentive to study seriously. my family is secretly financially secure. dat's wad i found out rather recently (mayb 3-5yr ago?). like seriously, i study for wad? i study liao my parents can support themselves. i study got use meh? 富不过三代. quite true. i'm the only 2nd gen of financial security. and i'm already taking such attitudes. i work hard, seriously my son/daughter can make it? haha. i wonder. in fact, mayb i wun even hav a child.

once again, study for wad? i mean, take scholarship for wad? public job really dat good? i'm still wondering.... is it the choice? is it THE choice? private sector may hav as much jobs requiring a pre-requisite of undergrad student, which is more challenging than some gov't jobs which can turn into a disillusionment. fuck it.

tink about it, i type so much. but no one reads this ting. haha. let it rot... someone hu sees this giv a pm to my msn or email or fb. mayb i nid serious counselling.

♥Painted my love

11:53 PM

Saturday, February 18, 2012

in every area of society, muz hav some idiots to make our mood foul.

some ppl really make u lose faith in the organisation, in the fraternity.

let me take an extreme example. islam. why ppl hav the impression islam sux? cos of bunch of terrorist. that's 简介 speaking. islam actly if u go study the doctrines it is also quite pure wad.

similar idea. when comes to wad i'm doing now, there muz b some guailan kia abusing their power to ka jiao others. really, is that very fun? i dun personally think so. why not everyone behave in a responsible manner, in a helpful manner, in a way that is constructive instead of a very reactive manner? fked up right? everyone only react to situations instead of taking a few pre-emptive measures and initiative? knn.

initiative. i dun really ask for much. but, plz la, do ur job properly, nth go wrong.

when it comes to dota, similarly, the same ting is happening. i am losing faith. bunch of idiots who when they win, will make noise, when they lose, they oso make noise. honestly la. win liao, like as if you have won wcg competition. lose liao, oso nid to sae hacking and using cheats. haha.

necessary? i dun tink so. but since u tink it's such an integral part of ur gaming life, plz go ahead. stand up straight out of ur online avatar in the real world. i want to c who u r. in this type of gaming, we can see what sort of person u are, and more importantly since everyting is virtual and more unrealistic than a sport, we can see the perversion in certain ppl's mind. fkin hell. i wun b surprised if man were so tempted by evil than by good. i have seen enuff everywhere wrt such perversion.

hence mayb i shld juz stick to sport. cos if someone nid to fight, he really has to.

♥Painted my love

2:49 AM

Saturday, February 11, 2012

i tink it'll be a v good choice if i were to turn gay.

firstly, i probably stop worrying wad women tink of me. whether i'm a stable guy, a smart guy, a nice guy, resilient. i dun hav to care wad they think anymore. in any case, they alr dun really bother, y i try to make more effort?

secondly, i am rather positive i am seen in a positive light by more men than women. fkin hell, all women can only see me as a weird guy. or mayb i haven't met one who thinks i am normal. as for guys, they noe i am steady, i am alright, i am tanker, i expect highly of myself etc. women can only sae this fkin egotistic bastard.

thirdly, there will be the thrill of being gay, cos it's not accepted by society. so it's like a "hide and seek". of my relationship status. tink about it, since gay is still illegal and a taboo in singapore, if i become one, den got 刺激感.

ya sure. like as if it'll work. knn. mayb i shld juz shuddup and live life. but too bad, i am super conscious of my own self.

♥Painted my love

8:32 PM

Thursday, January 26, 2012

if i know upon a strike on the next game, i book a place in the finals, fufufuf....

i probably will shout sth. wad comes out? i not sure. in wad language? i duno. probably not vulgar.

♥Painted my love

10:58 PM

by a simplistic psychological analysis, i reckon i'm really a inferior friend. (the below analysis may be a little sexist, but anw, for the sake of discussion, i shall air it anyway)

here i shall try to, as coherently as possible, describe my means of judgement:

women generally tend to make more "surface" friends than men. take for example a social function, they will engage in much more small talk as compared to men. moreover, they will refrain from openly badmouthing each other when they are in the presence of each other and more people. say, female A and B. A is more socially established than B. when A and B meet, they probably will not say things like "u're ugly/fat/idioitc". conversations more like A tell B "you're cool, that's nice, interesting career!!" even though B is doing a job as a rubbish collector. honestly. this is wad i observed.

i dunno the above-mentioned phenomenon's exact term. but women are less willing to jeopardise their relationship wif each other in a direct manner. they will only backstab each other. for example, using the above example where B has a job as rubbish collector. in front of B, A will never say something back. but when A meets another group of friends who may or may not know about B, A has a high chance of saying B is a cui and is a failure to society etc.

so to say, women will try to appear zai and friendly, while actually they may want to gain that social edge above others. in my opinion.

men are less likely to withhold these comments. assume a guy called D ends up as a rubbish collector due to failure in sch and C is a male random office worker, who does not have a gd impression of D. when C meets D in a social setting, C most likely will trash talk D like sae hey bro how's rubbish 2day? and maybe say something even more impolite.

that's a little drifting from the point. but anyway, i reckon i may be an inferior friend to women. why? hav many occasions, they start to ignore me. haha. if i were socially desirable, i dun tink they will ignore me. if they dare to ignore me, meaning i am less socially established, and from wad i noe they may juz easily talk a lot of bad about me without my knowledge. u c, females don't usually directly jeopardise relationship with others. since now, women directly jeopardise the relationship between me and her, it means something. and why will a girl resort to direct methods to ignore me, which is as good as telling me "u're a piece of crap"? why will a girl dare to do it? by my analysis, probably cos i'm not socially established, nt desirable to the crowd of ppl that they are looking to impress.

i'm not too surprised. i seem to b associated with socially undesirable personnel more often than not. but, haha, seriously la. if wan play socially desirable and establishment, up to them. all i can sae, my conscience is clear. clear. wan fight? i bring u to police after u whack me. another thing. where's ur confidence? going around wif me, really 见不得人？ up to them to say again. hm.

juz fyi, i dun believe everyone needs to become socially desirable before he/she will get married in a loving relationship. HAHA. up to all ur choices. it's juz that the wedding less ppl attend nia. is that wad women need? attention, great impression, ppl to see u as fren? really? i'm not totally confident. i believe u can live wif less than 10 friends. the rest can be acquaintances for all i care. close friends and a tightly-knit family is probably more important than 1000 useless not-close friends.

♥Painted my love

8:12 PM

Thursday, January 19, 2012

quick overview of my downfalls. i don't think it's academics. i don't think it's sports. i don't think it's music. i don't think it's attitude. i don't think there's any great great personality flaw. but, i reckon it's words.

an overview of my downfalls, u can guess wad i'm talking about:

- we are frens
- don't think we can be more than frens
- i won't settle for a friend
- i think it shldn't go on
- u're just not the one
- stop pestering me
- just leave me alone

my best qn. really? really? really?

language. language is but a subset of communication. what i say, may not be what i mean. i say u're a friend, i may mean u're actually a piece of shit. or i can sae u're really shitty, but i'm actually caring about u and giving u advice. when i say it's cold, it may not be the ambient temperature. i may be talking about a person's heart.

rite or not? if words coming out from my mouth is A, i may mean B, and subconsciously my intention is C.

mayb i muz stick religiously to my diode theory. but i do remember that, when the voltage is too high, the current rises disproportionately. and this can cause short circuits. and when the fuse breaks, the only way to do it is to replace with a new fuse. i reckon i have broken the fuse too many times, albeit not due to voltage. it's due to me forcing current by an alternate circuit. haha.

♥Painted my love

8:48 PM

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

from my knowledge, it is not as often that a girl will initiate a breakup with a guy after >2years of relationship. assume a relationship where they fondle around for long enuff (may or may not include sex), and the guy is also very loving and devoted.

i hypothesise that, for her to initiate break up, den she must hav turned slutty. nid to hav 2 men instead of 1. or go for hotter man. (heck cases of the guy being unfaithful and fking other ladies.) from a psychological point of view, there is strong partnership bonds formed in the brain, and certain chemical triggers which are accustomised to touch and sense and feel with the guy. if she leaves this guy for another guyno.2, she may not be able to fully recreate the sensations and euphoria.

another hypothesis is that, men may be marginally better off in such a breakup, cos i reckon easier to hav the euphoria of love. and for men, it's easier to heck the differences. for women, harder. that's wad i tink. but i hav not enuff psychological reasoning as well as knowledge to back this statement. so if u're feelin kind, u can type sth.

♥Painted my love

1:27 AM

Saturday, January 14, 2012

as a commissioned officer of the saf.

but it kips me wondering. i very big meh? i'm still a dog of my boss. haha.

but not every offcier see it this way. some think they are big. like so? big is big. but remember, u know little. so i really despise those ppl (last time, or those holding on to old school thought without new age rationality) who are in training institutes or units who giv others a poor quality experience and time.

i shall try not to be such a person. everyone must maximise the use of their time both in work and in reflection and in play.

♥Painted my love

11:01 PM