爹会陪你到底。

u dun feel anything only. but i do. dun smash me. 爹地不须要自己。爹地子须要一个人。普通的。
aku hanya kerpeluan cinta anda.
eat dick. censorship board do not allow me to type so much stuff. so boring.

其实，如果我生命缺乏爱情。。。生命就会简单几倍。

tell me how am i supposed to live my life...
jika anda tak mempedulikan berkanaan aku. jika anda tak cinta aku.

studying is good drug. it turns u mad.
sometimes i wonder. do i hav to drug myself using studies? hahahhaha. so philosophy. why? u drive me crazy. 你很重要。u muz understand this.



---------------------------

regarding a naughty person. hehehe

watch out. in time to come. u tink cos u hav big mouth, big body, big authority, u big? i tell u now. no. if u dun treat me with respect, well. sorry. no respect for u. maybe u tink it's respectful. sure. i will treat u with the same amount of respect. but unfortunately, it may not happen. cos the organisation has already protected u. hahahhahaah. watch out. giv me some time. if i'm in the mood, u're in trouble.

对不起。但是，
我爱你
我须要讲一些真心话。

is it game over for me? well. many ppl will sae yes. we'll see wad happens

can someone ask the sch smb to wake up its idea? or isit mr koh. doing something to the wireless connections

if you ever leave, baby you will take away everything good in my life. tell me now. how do i live without you, i want to know. how do i breathe without you, if you ever go, how do i ever ever survive?

there'll be no world left for me.

and i shall live in the nothingness. which has encompassed me for probably few years. back to the nothingness. which i hav embraced once upon a time.

well well. as i usually say. how i hope i can become the innocent kid once again. like a 5 year old. playing at the playground. with no knowledge of how idiotic the world can be. living in blank. carefree. happy. innocent.

if ever i liked a girl in staying in my vicinity. or even juz 1 floor below me. hahahahaha. knock three times, on the ceiling if you want me, twice on the pipe, if the answer is no.

kids. when u go to the piano, what do u do? be controlled by feelings, or be controlled by the scores? or be controlled by your memory? hahahhahhaha. difficult choice to make eh.

well of course i sympathise with those who need scores then can create sth, and it is somehow limited by what the scores tell them. cos somehow they are not able to express true self. they are expressing the composer. which is so boring. isn't that like acting, instead of showing urself?

that's my problem with orchestras. for those in orch, or band, good for u. u can embrace that type of culture. somehow i not this type. listen to orchestra, i ok. cos i not inside. but if i inside orchestra i will feel bored.

why? why so fail?

if u tink i too noob, juz tell me la. or if u tink dowan to b chiong, tell me oso. i never say if u wan means u muz chiong. erps. tell me. who doesn't want to focus on studying now?

abstract shit. i shall not bother to elaborate. i shall only elaborate in my brain

o baby. wad is happening to my technique? why nowadays balls so slow? sian diao. seems like many things to consider when playing a seemingly simple game.

and i noticed this hol i seem to hav alr busted around $95. smart. well they say, maybe i shld hav not spent on the movies. let's assume i save around $15 liddat. so? $15 can giv me a few games of bowling. but how much i improve? hahaha. some ppl say. committted. u muz b committed. very weird choice to make. u committed, chiong bowling, ppl say u no life. while on the other hand, i spend some cash on movie. then ppl may think aiya this money can b better spent on bowling stuff. up to u to decide.



now it's time for lyrics again. but i duno wad lyrics to type suddenly. it's been so long since we took the time. to share words, from deep inside us. we're in our own world spinning our wheels. but u know how i feel. ya. but very weird la. pls. wad do i need? wad do u need? wad do we need? very interesting stuff to ponder on. sometimes, there are things that need to be filled up. are u happy with juz good studies? i tell u. actually good studies will only satisfy a person. it cannot make one happy. well to some it makes them happy. i am only satisfied wif good results. there is more to life than juz good results. some ppl dun see it. some ppl will be tinking i am saying o good portfolio will make me happy. idiot shit. are u sure? i lump good portfolio under good studies. and they only satisfy me. there are certain things that transcend good studies. they belong to a different level of happiness.

it is very weird. how many ppl agree wif the maslow hierachy of needs? somehow i do. juz look at the triangle. at the bottom, probably s'pore gives u to a large extent the bottom 2 parts and the top part. but unfortunately, there is something lacking in the middle. therefore i am not satisfied, although i hav gone into attaining my potential to some extent. i feel i lack some of the portions in the middle. i duno how many of u will wan to agree wif me. some ppl will never agree wif me. some ppl will sae, le siao kia ar? study good still not enuff still nid wad? sorry. i tell u, there are millions of things out there that are more impt to studies than me.

idiot. osku palermaa method seems tempting. but belmonte method seems ok as well. but finger hole oso got some problem. shit. gotta make a decision within a few days. which means less than 100hr. hahahahha

i juz called to say i love you
i just called to show how much i care
i just called to say i love you
and i mean it from the bottom of my heart.

here by the ocean waves carry voices of you. the truth is that i am always thinking of .... i'm searching for a peace of mind. i try to leave everything behind. do i look as if i can put all these down? i have spent time. i tell ppl i waste time. but i dun think it's a waste. it will be a waste, if u dun even bother about me.

maslow's hierachy of needs. it's the truth. i may be fulfilling my potential as an individual self. the society wants me to stretch me to fullest. but is it fulfilling to me? is it soul fulfilling? somehow i dun think so. what is lacking? i have food. i have shelter. i have security. i have friends. i have a stable family. but wad do i lack? something. something abstract. at 1st. sth filled up this abstract need. but u disappeared. then it left a void. a void in me. i duno. i juz hope there'll still be people who will come and fill up this need for me. then i will feel that wad i do has worth.

i'm juz a kid, and life is a fkin nightmare.

life is cruel. does it have to force me to turn to religious help all the time? it may sound stupid to many. pray to god for wad? like as if there is use. heh. but sorry atheist kids, lao die does pray to god. but other than such divine help, is it working? i like to tink it works to a certain extent.

but anyways. why everytime in the night, i will start to tink crap. and stress will get to me. and i will turn mad. does this need to happen? why everybody life seem to b simple. maybe it seems. SEEMs. in the day, i look okok, normal. talk quite alot of nonsense. but is this the truth? there are many problems that have been invoked with me, though stuff has only started for 5 weeks. 35 days. 35 days, and probably millions of thoughts are in my mind. they can b grouped into juz a few main issues. but the details make it disgusting.

do i have to delude myself each day, that nothing is wrong and life can go on as per normal? i duno. some people dun have to. it's so easy to be themselves. but it is so difficult for me. i have many problems which probably soon will make me suffer from borderline personality disorder, featured on yu's blog 12th or 11th march i tink. question is, can i show this problem? probably not. cos other ppl will tink i am a weak person. a useless person. unable to face up to such difficulties. gay fag. can't take hardships. but i tell u a secret. try to be wad i am now, and understand what sort of a person i am. currently the only way to describe is juz fucked up.

ppl who are close to me know that i dun usually use fuck. i use hokkien ones and usually mean them in a joking manner. now it's not. i am using it in a vulgar manner. and this means there is something wrong. there is juz one problem. i am not able to disclose this problem here, or else i will draw unwanted public attention. of course. it's juz like yu. he types millions of words of philosophical stuff. but all are very abstract. we cannot run away from it.

and at the end of the day, ppl reading this will think that i am a weak person, unable to face the challenges of life. unable to take hardship. but idiots out there, i tell u. this is not about taking hardship. it is about being able to cope with a problem which is more abstract than hardship itself. a deadly concoction of all things. i tell u, after this, even more ppl will start to say i making an excuse to tell myself that actually i am not a lousy person. ppl will tink heh, bo lan pa kia trying to get himself balls by buying it from karang guni. chao ji bai. if that is wad u tink, u can come and hav coffee with me. and if u tink u hav the method to solve my problems, i will treat u coffee instead. but if u tink i am weak, i am a useless person, dun blady hell bother to approach me. cos it juz means u do not know me well.

now it's time to face the truth. i dun seem as if i will be with you.

in the night it may be easy to think straight when your mind is distracted. but when it is blank, that is bad. thoughts go all around. obviously, i am not thinking properly.

fked up. that is the only way to describe my feelings at night. cos when it's blank, things will want to fill up the hollow. but these things can either make you hollower, or better. and usually these type of stuff will make things hollower. very hollow. u will need something to fill the emptiness. but the thing you want to fill up this emptiness. it is not there. it cannot b attained. u can approach, but u can never reach it.

watch out. i turn mad in the night. if i'm normal, u are lucky. maybe? but the most impt thing is still about studying now. but how do you study when ur mind is distracted? why not bluff urself that you are distracting your mind by using studies, to fill up that hollow.

maybe i shld type song lyircs here. but maybe i shldn't. later ppl spread shit about me. the lucky thing is that no one reads my blog. hehe. whew man. it's not a popular place.

please tell me why. wad is happening? i duno. totally.

u noe wad's a bunsen burner? to get a good flame, you need a good mix of gas as well as air, for the oxygen. if u have gas only and not enough air, the best you can get is a strong luminous flame, which will give you lots of soot. which makes life irritating cos it will deposit on ur test tube or wadeva. with a good amount of oxygen, you will get the non luminous flame for strong heating. apparently, u must be careful of strikebacks as well. lest ur gas supply catches fire and cause explosion. and probably u're gonna leave the whole lab dead.

there is a void. and i duno how to fill up this void

i try to write a letter
in ink
got a piece of paper
but it's empty.
maybe i'm trying too hard
maybe my thoughts are apart
maybe this timing is screwing up my butt.

i'm behaving like yu. he seems to be trying to fill up his void. me too. i duno. there's too much. i hope time will be able to do some magic.

i'm born with a mouth, but i duno how to use it to make others happy. i'm born with a brain, but it doesn't feel very useful to tell me wad to say.

but i dun seem to be the person your heart is needing. at the end of the day, they say when u love someone, u want to set them free. i shld. u may think i've given up. i noe. everyone likes to be chased. but wad do u wan? i dun think u will want a totalitarian in your life.

i'm coming down with a heartache tonight
only you can make it right
if i could be here with you holding you tight
there would be no morning light
everywhere i turn i see your face
reminding me of that time and place
everytime you smile, angels cry
everytime you walk on by

what is special? are u unique? i duno. maybe la. too philosophy liao. are u unique is a very difficult qn. what is unique? what is special? maybe someone needs to give me a definition.

if i am ur fire, then i'm shining like a candle in the dark. wad a remix of songs. i duno. head messy. not messi. messi has messy hair i know.

you are my very first thought in the morning, and my last at nightfall.
you are the love that kept me from falling, i need you, i want you to know...

i've made it obvious, so finally i'll sing it.

argh shit la. am i onegina or nogina. fk. i hate halfgina

fish. it's something nice to eat. but tink about it. u want to spend money on sth nice to eat everyday or live in big sexy houses and drive big cars and eat nothing?

some ppl choose the latter option. they feel that wow i live in big house i am pro. but i tell u, many a time these ppl sacrifice wad they eat. at home maybe they eat rice and probably vegetable. meat i duno where it goes to. there are ppl who are like that. no joke. drive a mercedes, ferrari, in the end no money to spend on other parts of life other than showing off to ppl that they have a sexy car or house or wadeva property. and worse still, their children may get to sit in ferrari, but will they be happy eating something which is worse than ordinary?

i'm glad my parents chose the 1st option. everyday when i go back there is relatively nice food to eat. i may not hav imba looking parents. my father dun drive a fat car. it's juz any other toyota. but we have enuff money to spend on other relaxation stuff and simple pleasures in life. wonderful. that's why i get to eat fish almost everyday. although my mother will start to complain they are ex. when i was a small boy i thought why not my father buy an imba car. but now i am able to appreciate the food on the table. which probably has more value than an imba car.

so... wad's ur choice? next time which one u prefer? i will rather give my family a good life and eat good food and have a good life, rather than show ppl hey i'm a driver of a mercedes. ok at least if i dun turn into bus driver. hehehe. if i become bus driver most of the cash will not b used to make myself look sexy. we'll see. maybe there are some ppl who prefer to look sexy and starve themselves? hahahhahhahahhahahhaa. time will tell

paint my love, u shld paint my love, it's a picture of a thousand sunsets, it's the freedom of a thousand doves, baby you should paint my love. you know why? since you came, into my life, the days before, juz fades to black and white, since you came into my life, everything has changed.........

and now wad do i do? u wan me sing a song? i can learn from yeow.

大家，请勿浪费时间。时间很宝贵，我们要学会珍惜，不然后果一定不堪设想。

i have nothing else liao