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Psa 119:71 (ESV)
It is good for me that I was afflicted,
that I might learn your statutes.
It is good for me that I was afflicted,
that I might learn your statutes.
Prov 3:11-12 (ESV)
My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline, or be weary of his reproof,
for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.
My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline, or be weary of his reproof,
for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.
Jer 17:5-8 (ESV)
Thus says the Lord:
Thus says the Lord:
“Cursed is the man who trusts in man, and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord. He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land."
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? “I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”
have i been avoiding the correction of God for a long time? have i been that false prophet to myself, blinding myself with whitewash about the truth, and dismissing the correction of God on my pride over the past few years as i have been pondering humility? think on the prophet book of Ezekiel. have i been honest with God to repent at the first situation when i realize there is a sin? maybe i have a hardened heart over time. and God knows how to deal with it in His own good fashion. i always thought that humility was fake, although i have been figuring out how to get it. and now i do, after a serious blow from the Lord.
y3s2, being humiliated, putting in certain amt of consistent effort in modules, only to find out that i have been behind in nearly all subjects, and worse, one module in trouble thanks to a ~13.5% assignment being marked down with respect to the rest of the class... design project in trouble because i look around and everyone is progressing far ahead of me. and i hav not an idea what to do, since i don't even know of the resource to turn to but everyone is all ahead of me with resources and writings and readings ready. and there's this talk of "heuristics" which i don't even understand of.
it is tough, for a person like me who used to boast in his own powers of last-minute work. yeah, it got me a whole load of A- and B+. great. sounds great eh? sounds great. but what did God say? did he not say he is going to deal with those who does not see Him as Lord, and he is going to deal with those who decide to put something else as Lord? there's a song that says: "i will not boast in anything, no GIFTS, no POWER, no RICHES; but i will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection."
i agree with that and now i know why, a person does not boast in gifts. i boasted in this ability for far too long. i always assumed it's possible to do magic. magic. like snap the finger, drink some coffee, magically overnight produce a score. and that i did for 2 years. and now the problems are slowly being unveiled. it's not real fun when u realize that you can't boast in this last-minute crap anymore. firstly i have lost that ability. second, all that knowledge base i did not build up due to last-min work, it's biting me in the butt. causing the humiliation i m in. i can't apply that knowledge base i do not have in my higher level modules. and that is leading to great misunderstandings of subject matters and poor interpretations of problems. and causing my lag in modules. and it's a serious blow by God to what i hold on to - my ability. my brain's genius. something that i have been boasting in for a long time. it is being removed.
yes, the gift is being removed. i know, there's a bunch of ppl coming to smear the whitewash on the wall soon, wanting to tell me, "gerald it's not that bad God isn't doing this". then i can tell you yea God isn't doing this directly but in the circumstances don't you see the correction? shut up, be humble, start working hard again, and boast only in the Lord. stop boasting in last-min ability.
it's tough. it's a pet. but thank you Jesus for weeding this out. and for being that stream that i draw upon in this time. only thanks to God's Word then i can make sense of all this situation i m going through. mayb i need to be humiliated for the saints around me. mayb there's a need to humiliate me at this time for a greater cause. only when i m weak, then Jesus can be made perfect through my weakness.
do i despise the correction of the Lord? why should i. if i know that this has greater purpose, there is a greater glory behind this, i don't mind. let's go through this many more times. as my friend told me maybe this is just round 2 of 3 billion more. why not? why not for Jesus, go to greater humiliation? there are many more men of faith who went through this, and they were NOT exalted. instead they were martyred. what's wrong with that? since no one is interested in physical martyrdom, let them martyr my impression, my social standings, my financial standing. maybe these need to be destroyed too.
this alabaster jar is all i have of worth, i break it at your feet Lord it's less than You deserve... You're far more beautiful, more precious than the oil, the sum of my desires and the fulness of my joy...
Like You spilled Your blood, I spill my heart as an offering to my King...
here i am take me, as an offering; here i am take me, every heartbeat for Your glory... take me
waste no more time, do Your work God...
