i think it's a sad fact of life. many a time, we can't understand our parents, and they can't understand us too. it's quite a tragedy, i duno. no matter how effective ur communication is, not only wif parents, wif anybody, we cannot fully understand.

BUT. it doesn't mean, we can't stop believing them, trusting and loving them. there is a fine line between understand and the faith in them.

let me giv a sort of abstract example. religion. why do you believe in a god/gods? do you fully understand him? do u understand why buddha did wad he did and taught wad he taught? there are some reasons, yes, but u will never fully get to know him. even if you do, u may not understand or rationalise wif his philosophies. on the same note, we may not understand why in christianity jesus was sent to die, and the doctrine of the holy trinity, and why would god kill people who do not believe him even though people were made in his image.

contrast over to ur parents. do you understand why they let u do certain things or live vicariously through you? do you understand that in fact, they have their own insecurities. we may not fully understand and see it from their perspective. but does that mean, since it is liddat, i don't have to trust my parents? and go on to hate and doubt them?

the bond between parent and child i would guess will be based strongly on a certain emotional connection. as much as we may be unhappy wif our parents, will we eventually hate them enough to truly disown/dishonour/disacknowledge them? i dun think so.

assume S follows a normal distribution. mean of S now is about 67, standard deviation should be around 8. S~N(67, 64)

what is the probability of me getting A?
what is the probability of me getting C or D?

i hope i can shift the E(S) higher. seriously.

一步一步来。

但是现在是何时了？？四星期一瞬间过去，哈哈，我还可以在这里徘徊。

ownt. lack of time defines this coming few days. it's time to play the art of maximising time, and i predict, 1 year of my life's gone. opp cost of working doubly hard when actually u alleviate such unnecessary stress through good diligence: your HEALTH.

my current mindset seems to be that, my health can be sacrificed insofar as i produce something that i want to. very unhealthy. HAHA. shiet. i better get some diligence into myself, before anything happens.

the world is upside-down

that's because, the stupid think they know everything and how the world works, while those who are discerning and observant think that they don't know anything and submit to the stupid.

if the world gives a damn to those who know more, it will surely become a better place. for now, it's just blind leading the blind in a very vicious and voracious cycle. wad the crap man. HAHA

where do you stand in the society? where do you stand among ppl whom hold dear to you? plz play your part.

therefore, maybe i have been a lousy son, a lousy person. how sad

但我拥有你我的心再也不下雪。

maybe i can take solace in certain things that i may know of. and certain things which i put my hope in. some people say hope keeps people alive. probably it applies to me. very overwhelming hope, very overwhelming optimism and positivism...

for your reading pleasure. source: STI

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Jun 15, 2010
'We might kowtow if...'
Ex-PM Mahathir says political split could make them a weak minority, 'like S'pore Malays'
By Reme Ahmad, Assistant Foreign Editor

Dr Mahathir said Malay Malaysians did not want others to kowtow before them, but wanted a fair distribution of wealth and power.

KUALA TERENGGANU - MALAYS in Malaysia could end up as a weak minority if they remain politically divided, said former prime minister Mahathir Mohamad, comparing them to Malay Singaporeans.

Even though Malay Singaporeans enjoy the benefits of a more developed country, they had to 'kowtow' to others, he claimed yesterday, returning to a rhetoric he often espoused as prime minister.

Dr Mahathir addressed some 1,000 Malay activists at a Malay rights rally in the capital of Terengganu state. This was well below the expected turnout of 5,000, and organisers blamed this on the World Cup, reported The Star newspaper.

Dr Mahathir said: 'The position of the Malays (in Malaysia) is in deep crisis and precarious. If they do not think deeply and act wisely, one day, we could become like Malay Singaporeans, a group without power who have to terbongkok-bongkok (kowtow) before others.

'We do not want others to kowtow before us, but we want a fair distribution of power and wealth.'

Tun Dr Mahathir's speech came amid fears among some in the community that Malays will lose their dominant status in Malaysia, especially with the increasing influence of opposition coalition Pakatan Rakyat and its focus on multiracialism.

... anyway, he goes on to sae that if there were no protection of malays, and Malaysia go democratic, Malays will lose out to other races. then he goes on to argue that malays are weaker and shld b allowed more opportunities; by giving opp to the weak then we will facilitate a more homogeneous society. then he goes on to argue this is why the admission criteria of university is some ratio of malays must be in.


but imo, sorry dr mahathir, ur own fellow countryman has stood up for the truth and spoke. it seems that ur discriminatory methods have led to self-resignation and corruption and not achieving economic efficiency. yea. economic efficiency. u want money for urself or for ur country? think about it. HAHA.

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I READ with concern Tuesday's report, 'Malaysian Malays might kowtow to others if...', in which former Malaysian prime minister Mahathir Mohamad claims that even though Malay Singaporeans enjoy the benefits of a more developed country, they have to 'terbongkok-bongkok' (kowtow) to others.

Tun Dr Mahathir could have been more sensitive towards the feelings of Singapore Malays.

As a Malay Singaporean living and working peacefully with fellow Singaporeans of all races, I cannot agree with what he said.

Singapore's leaders worked hard for many years to achieve racial harmony, tolerance and understanding among Singaporeans. Today, we live and work together as one family; and we have reaped the rewards of being one of the safest and most developed nations in the world.

While Dr Mahathir's opinion on Malay Singaporeans enjoying the benefits of a developed country is spot-on, we have never kowtowed to others. Singaporeans of all races, including Malays, engage in healthy debate and discussions with our Government. The decisions made by the Government, after hearing feedback from its people, are respected as we trust it is in the best interests of all Singaporeans.

Through community support and hard work, Malay students in Singapore have bettered their results in various national examinations. Such achievements are celebrated by all Singaporeans.

With better education, Malay Singaporeans have achieved a better lifestyle for their families compared with a large percentage of Malays in Malaysia. We worked hard to be where we are today and in no way kowtow to anyone to gain success. Meritocracy remains the benchmark of our society. While this works in Singapore, it may not work in Malaysia.

Having many relatives, friends and business associates of all races in Malaysia requires me to travel frequently across the Causeway. Over the years, I have seen and learnt that for the minority to succeed in Malaysia, they need to kowtow to others.

The irony is that many ordinary Malaysian Malays who have no connections, or fail to share their potential success with the 'right' people, will never have it easy to succeed. Perhaps, favouritism, cronyism and bribery are problems Dr Mahathir may want to address in his country.

As for me, a Malay Singaporean, I would like to say thank you to my Singapore leaders. You have made Singapore the best place to live peacefully in for me and my family.

Mustaffa Othman

----------------------------------

what say you? haha. well protection may work to some extent. but now protection of malays is such a state that malays all turn resigned to the fact that the state will help them. pls, u say chinese there are sucking malay wealth. fren, they worked their asses and got their money, thus obviously they will accumulate wealth. if the malays are as hardworking over in malaysia, confirm will have same money as chinese if not more.

in s'pore malay study den can alr. ppl in parliament probably can testify to that.

but maybe this issue not so much of concern to me, i shall not kaypoh anymore. i tink malaysians will have more to say than me to this issue HAHA

now i c. to strike many many during training is so simple. it's like nothing. throw wadeva ball oso can strike wad. but during the comp, hehe. wan strike ar? harder than suicide.

怕死亡? HAHA. some young people do.

some simple insecurities that one can tackle, so that u dun hav to fear it. 1st insecurity: i haven't done enough on earth, i dowan to die. u sure? as a young kid, u rather die now than later. later got more responsibility. as a parent, i won't want to die either. but for now, since i only answerable to my parents, i rather i tio death now than later when i earn money and hav to support my parents and children.

second insecurity is, will people remember me? HAHA. some people meng tink of that. so they decide to put impression into people's minds by desperately making an image for themselves and doing all sort of stunts. HAHA. i laugh at these people. if u die, i will remember u for who u are. den, so u wan me to remember u as a person who enjoy doing stunts and going to socialising and doing nothing good for society, instead of a polite, thoughtful, helpful, well-mannered person who enjoyed peace and calm? maybe la, i can't control too HAHA

all i can sae, for myself, i will prevent accidents that can lead to my death as far as possible. BUT in the unfortunate event, that i'm murdered, kidnapped and tortured and 五马分尸, i am sure of where i'm going and that i will not regret leaving the earth too soon. humji simi? u can always reduce the amount of worries u have if u lead a responsible and guilt-free life. if u live irresponsibly, then ppl in the world will hav to pay back ur wrongdoings.

juz like loanshark find ur family for money after u die (means u haven't paid ur debts), or u leave behind ur family which depends on ur cash (means probably, u hav spent away all their money and now they depend on ur cash. if ur parents spent away all ur cash and u die, then different case)

---------------

a sudden and random stroke of inspiration. i'm sure there are alot of flaws. u can pick them up and attack them and practice ur gp aq.

so everyone dowan sae and assume it's an unspoken understanding.

so it's a supposed social understanding, eh? maybe i'm not updated myself enough, else my parents have not taught me well enuff. i hav no idea. but i feel rather confused. if it's a social understanding, why i get a 50-50 response to the right thinking, right philosophy, right behaviour? HAHA. le gong simi? so i nid to sit on the fence and crack my butt sitting on it?

but nvm. as far as i noe, sometimes ppl like to leave it in the middle cos it's about the best thing to do. okla, wa zai wa zai. bo gong tio ho sei liao..... seriously, only recently i understand such a thinking is so freakin prevalent. BUT it's ok. i now know it's prevalent.

but, for now, let me seek to understand why. and now, i'm speculating this thinking is prevalent thanks to lack of realism and exposure. fml. i rather be a stupid young boy hu still can idealise the world... hahhahahahaha

thus, le mai gong, it's gotta be k... as usual, if other ppl were to understand it otherwise and not sit in their own thinking, i'm happy alr. now, everyone insists this is ok. as much as i think this thinking is bad and too prevalent for the good of society, unfortunately its spread has become so great that it is inevitable for everyone to accept. think of it in the other perspectives, and you may see why there are people thinking the other way. if u dun, it's ok. i will keep quiet, and try to understand why.

hope will make my world go round? in fact, i reckon hope makes everyone's world go round. the hope of not hoping is a hope too.

life's bad, but it only depends on hu is perceiving it. HAHA

the root of the problem is evil. evil likes to intrude into our lives, infiltrate our thoughts and manifest in our actions.

we need to seek to eliminate it. now some of the biggest evil i hav in me is jealousy, in place acceptance. another evil is the evil of greed and expectation, instead of contentment.

since the decision is made, to leave game, i should also do f12 end game. instead of staring the screem which says "YOU HAVE BEEN DISCONNECTED". quit mission. HAHA.

that fkin missed strike really costs a life. it cost pride.

it means, i will end wif fkin no portfolio. nothing. ya, so wad? wad experience? wad self fulfilment? i dun lie to myself - this society is wad? is merit-based. i mean, nearly everywhere is. go die. seriously. i remember, someone ask me. why u not in bowling exco? HAHA. i sae, m si wa eh business. how about my friend who overperform me? he oso not in exco. HAHA. justice isn't done on earth, it need to be earned. the only place where justice is done is heaven, if u dun believe heaven then it is a certain utopian world.

from now on, per spare miss, some form of reminder muz be imposed. no more jokes when training for competing for money.

and i've effectively lost my mood to study for wadeva reason. my mind has become rather irrational for now. ya come, come and sae me. hope that i may become rational again. some people dun noe how to be a human. maybe i'm one of them.

now, i shall go and find 出路 on internet, any okok organisation for their paths for my life, and that i may have an interest in. no more jokes. i shall be a gahmen dog. it works for everyone in s'pore.

bible says, the spirit is willing but the flesh, weak.

well many a time, this applies to the rational thinkers. if u think rationally, u will find ur solution. but why u still can't get urself out of sticky situation?? that's because, spirit is willing but the flesh, weak. u noe wad u hav to do. but realities seem to prevent us from taking the rational decision. very hard. haha

i mean many ppl face it. even me. rational decision hard to make cos there will b ppl talking about u. so we rather stay status quo and stick wif current criticism, than change and tio other criticism. haha. wad can i sae? of course, let us hope that others will be understanding and they won't be so lame to criticise u. isn't it? the flesh is weak. but i tink, sometimes, a bit of madness may help u out of ur sticky situation.

and, irrational ppl, harder. for irrational ppl, they will have to become rational again 1st. if u can sit down and talk about ur problems objectively and not emotionally, there shld b a way out, step by step. dun tink u're god and settle everyting at 1 go. heh.

希望你会在患难中支持我。

so that's me, at 26th. FML. if i struck on that stupid pin 4 frame, i wld +21 pins, and i wld scrape nicely at 18th. saddddddd.