i wldn't sae i've done lousily. i've surpassed myself. but i dun tink as of now it's enough. tink about it, 2 months 1 new style and having the face to particpate in s'pore open wif shitty styles. getting my name temporarily into the qualified sheet. good try...

time to move on after having so many lessons learnt.

difficult pill to swallow, but sometimes our best is not wad is expected of us. HAHA. so thus, strive for excellence even more. and this can only be done with resilience. the resilience of one can inspire oneself, as well as others. if u had been through testing and difficult times, u will live to tell the story to others. rmb, as an unselfish person, we shld take our time to encourage others along the way.

i can sae, i'm won't be here if not for the multitudes of ppl hu have encouraged me one way or another.

pity by others doesn't get u anywhere, but the encouragement of the kind is great power that you can tap on when u're in crisis.

don't look for pity. look for encouragement. some ppl like to appear like a pitiful kid. apparently it works for 5min, then it doesn't for the rest of ur life.

so in fact, we are judged. the world is rather ugly, but i think i shld still uphold a nice image of the world.

is it i listen to the world too much, or juz that i haven't listened enough to the world? i've been told to listen to myself. so i did that. but unfortunately, world saes i haven't listened to them, haven't interacted with them, and will not blend in. so am i obliged to blend in? i really wonder.

now, i face injury and fatigue which is more severe than my hand muscle injury, which i was able to put it aside rather successfully.

by my understanding as of now, maybe i was wrong in too many areas. i have too many wrong concepts, wrong understanding, wrong presumptions, wrong predictions, wrong chocies. or so other people say. so by my understanding, i shld be going for a great revamp.

HOWEVER of course there will be the opposition which says i shld be using my own thinking and my own values. which shld i trust?

i don't know. i will want something that will provide me results.

maybe it's juz reparations.

too many wrong courses of action. i surrender. i know i have done my businesses. but unfortunately, many a time we muz understand not everyone can use 1 hand to clap. usually we need 2. and many a time, even as i have made my rational decisions, there are irrational opinions left within me, or coming from others.

so as usual, after an activity i believe all of us know wad is aar. or synonyms to aar. it's good to do that so that u find out wad's wrong.

but interestingly, after i done aar, i find no problem, no harm done, nothing. but i do find some conflicting points. either ppl judge me, or i fail. heh. so which should i believe?

nvm. it's incoherent here.

i'm not at best state for the time being. this is not good.

not very optimistic for a while. tink about it, if we have to assimilate into other's thinking so as to survive, then many a time we are forgoing our values for something worthless. yet, this something worthless gives u a place in society.

which will you choose? a place in the society by a worthless act, or stand firm to urself?

i'm feeling rather discouraged and disillusioned. somebody shld save me.

my values are attacked for the 1st time thus far. i wonder am i supposed to change it? the world saes u have to be an asshole to survive. i disagree soundly wif this. i haven't been taught this, although i see this around me. i'm taught that the world shld exist in an ideal state - a state of peace and universal love. so my values is that i shldn't b an asshole.

but 2day, i'm posed wif a differing opinion. and it seem to be telling me, that i making my best effort not to be an asshole, shld turn around and become an asshole to survive competition in the world.

after some consideration, now, i've cleared my mind, i sae no. i will continue and stay firm wif my values. i shldn't become some on-the-surface friend-making, mutli relationship-building, lip-servicing idiot. i shldn't become 见利忘义，狼心狗肺。

maybe wad happened today is retribution. i haven't been nice enough. my best of effort in showing universal love and helping others and doing things is NOT enough. apparently. dun worry. as per normal, i will continue to improve myself. BUT, if the world is not going to see the same way as me, they will continue to see me as bad and radical.

i sae, go on, see me as bad and radical. as of now, i know that i'm making the right decision, i'm not worried. if u wan to mistake me, go on. u can have my life even. i defend my values, i am true to it. if ur value is different, in essence, i tell u, u have no reason to be judging me.

ppl shld go and realise that since our values are different, how we do things will be different, and we CANNOT judge others. we can only help them understand that they are seeing the world this way, and let them realise whether this is the way they want the world to be, and that whether it is the best way to let the world revolve.

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so now we see, the arbitrariness of the world.... hahhahahahhahahahahhahah. u like it? i dun really like it though haha

memories, i'll keep for you. u shld dump it away, it may save some of ur brain space.

i have much more space available. hmmmm.

i nearly forgot one of my basic philosophies.

never give up. yea. i nearly forgot about that.

remember ppl, we face problems. but what do we need to know? dun giv up on urself. if others haven't give up on u, u shldn't giv up on urself. hu tell u to give up on urself one? tink about it this way. life is short enuff. why dump the rest away? u never noe wad u will dump away if u go and 沦落 now.

i know that you know that i know that life isn't a bed of roses. nothing good may come in our way. but 易经 has already explained, it's all cycles. every bad time will hav a good time sooner or later, and similarly do not think that bad things will never happen to you. wadeva happens, never give up on urself. there are people behind you all the time. there are people who bother about you.

and rmb, if u need to find encouragement, find it within urself too. if u turn to others for free encouragement, it will not work unless u will find that within urself. realise that you have the power to turn ur situation around. realise that you never look down on urself. realise that you should never give up in any dire circumstances.

and, wirelessly, realise that there is love within you, and around you. are you willing to see it? are you willing to feel love around yourself? don't let negative ideas, thoughts, people, opinions, bad situations and wadeva fill you. dun let them control you. let us all pull through our problems, how big or how small they are. everyone has their problems; we're all in this together.

well, i've been through quite a lot of failures.

but i still hate them. HAHA.

i mean, hu likes to try everything, but can't succeed nearly all the time? dun b too masochistic, bad for health. or u can always go for the chiongster pathway. which is to snap out of failure. yea. i tink everybody needs to do that. learn to snap out of failure after encountering one.

learn from one failure, and move on, and become a better person.

come to tink of it, maybe i'm supposed to b from smtp.

HAHA. sm. those two words have rather wrong meanings, if u bother to find out hahahahah

ming zai li eh xin, dui gun bo jing ya bo yi, mo nai gun eh xin nai zong si peng peng zi wu li...
jit gu wa ai li you gun ya si gong buay chu zui, wa ji wu diam diam kua go li, you guan buay zai li xin bin.

maybe i shld be feeling something wrong, but at the same time i shldn't be feeling something wrong. everybody makes mistakes, everyone sins, but at the same time everyone is helpful, everyone has a good heart. however, many a time we observe that wrong things like to happen together. if person A has a misunderstanding wif person B, A will not be happy with B. and if B decides to point fingers at A, then their hatred will be exacerbated. and it can go on, e.g. A decides to tell B's friends about this misunderstanding, and everyone starts to hav misconceptions. in the end, it may lead to bad things among everyone.

but this can be easily avoided, if things were to be cleared up by both parties. not easy, but i wld sae it's better than everyone suspecting and getting misconceptions.

but once again, it is not easy to take any action. for one, no two people are fully similar. when values clash, it is hard to resolve. take a look. can the west always impose themselves on the asians? i'm not sure. they can't even control iran. they can't even control china. clash of values. i will hope democracy fail soon, then singapore can stop declaring itself democratic.

i mean take a look at poor singapore. imo, our gov't really has done a good job, and it's values are very chinese/east asian. BUT unfortunately, it has to deny it's values and sae that we're democratic instead of patriachy/autocratic, so as to get money from trade. tink about it, if we sae we're socialistic/communistic, we'll basically lose all trading partners. hahhahaa. truth of life, hard to accept eh? but this is reality lor.

keep it up s'pore govt, although there are the unhappy bunch like me, we'll keep supporting u as u've provided us wif safe environment to be in. as much as our creativity is hindered, it's ok. we're not happy, but we're satisfied u can sae. if s'pore gov't were to allow more creative thinkers instead of conformists, we may become more interesting society, but the thing is many a time thinking out of the box is misunderstood as radicalism, and will be phased out. HAHA.

ok enuff of shit i'm getting incoherent.