so in fact, we are judged. the world is rather ugly, but i think i shld still uphold a nice image of the world.

is it i listen to the world too much, or juz that i haven't listened enough to the world? i've been told to listen to myself. so i did that. but unfortunately, world saes i haven't listened to them, haven't interacted with them, and will not blend in. so am i obliged to blend in? i really wonder.

now, i face injury and fatigue which is more severe than my hand muscle injury, which i was able to put it aside rather successfully.

by my understanding as of now, maybe i was wrong in too many areas. i have too many wrong concepts, wrong understanding, wrong presumptions, wrong predictions, wrong chocies. or so other people say. so by my understanding, i shld be going for a great revamp.

HOWEVER of course there will be the opposition which says i shld be using my own thinking and my own values. which shld i trust?

i don't know. i will want something that will provide me results.