it's just been one weekend since i started fasting. and it's already getting rather distracting to keep on a fast.

it's easy to think of the great snacks and food i m missing out. it's easy to think of others eating. but really, it is hard to just focus and quieten myself and think about God and pray about all the issues i set out to.

Jesus help me to focus on you... I need You Lord... infiltrate into every aspect of my life to make it yours Jesus... Lord let me have a heart for others, without a neglecting of my own work... Lord give me full faith to look at what you want me to do... help me the sinner and the weak child... make me strong because of Your glory and not for my own vain-glory.

kns, i dun think God cooks instant noodles. i can't find a verse which says God does so.

u tink ministry is immediate? i m not too sure. ministry dun appear overnite - God is the one who makes that happen overnite.

very sad on all fronts.

isis + gay = 2nd coming of christ soon. pls Jesus, pls come soon. we are prepared 4 Your return. God have mercy on us and give us double portion of grace, triple, quadruple and multiple and infinite portions... we need to learn how to truly be salty salt and bright lights for you here on earth. pls work in us God and may Your Spirit be in us.

BPC... just... a joke. haha. there are a few quite interesting websites u can find, there's 1 blogspot just joker and commenting on vpp. finally i see some true christian entertainment coming from this joke denomination. pls. John 13:34-35; John 13-16 u can see clearly. love for disciples. love for fellow children of Christ. separation from sin and lies. not, separation and some sort of a driving a wedge.

where is their love?

taking the same style of the writer of that joker vpp-criticizing blog: let's beware of these jokers who can't seem to have any love for sinners. who only tiam-tiam quarrel. TTQ. seriously damn ttq.

u wrong i correct mentality. how about, u are wrong, but i really want you to repent and come to the truth? rather than, u are wrong, hence we ttq?

oh God. when is the next time i will stop making minor mistakes which account to much at the end of the day???

too many.

and God, it's getting hard again after seeing some ppl. it's not easy to keep up the chin and work, and do ur calling. it's too hard.

fucking jibai.

enough of all the pressures stacked on me. i m fucking sick of all of it.

the only thing i feel when i arrive home is but a sense of expectation, an environment of "cannot fail-ness". fucking hell. zero failure. i m sick of this.

i hav been too successful, and ppl are fucking idolizing my success. i m really sick of this. now, ur son is fucking getting into some trouble. u dun like it right? fuck. of cos u dun. but the truth is, ur son did get into trouble. what u gonna do? fucking make him feel worse about himself and leave him with zero repentance room? fuck yes. that is what u always do.

there is no forgiveness in ur house after repentance. only more guilt heaped. fucking disgusting..

u know why i like the house of God, and His family? fucking hell. it's cos that's wad u hav made. God always forgives after my repentance. and i m trying to make it up. and fucking all u can do is to heap more guilt. who likes ur house? there is no feeling of forgiveness. only a queer environment of holier-than-thou-ness. perfection.

u tink u r God? den learn to make an environment that i can actually repent with forgiveness. not repent to pay back my debts.

God give me faith to be able to be open and not put up a show.

u know what my intentions are. now, Lord, give me the honesty and the courage to be able to speak these without distorting it so as to generate some sort of reaction from others...

Lord, i think the masks and veils i have set up to make myself look better... they are the things that are destroying the relationships i have with people... help me to conduct myself in the way that you have made me to be, and not try to put extra things to look better. Lord give me the courage to do so. and Lord in doing so i know i will be vulnerable. but i believe your love will cast out all fear.

today i just ask God that u forgive me for not being able to bear the load so well myself and do what you want to do through me. Lord just pray that your Spirit will strengthen me to rejoice with those who are rejoicing and not let the smaller issue overshadow the greater joy that you are giving to me.

today i m learning... to be thankful even in this situation that i am not getting what i desire.... no surprises from God, and it is not too unexpected. but i m still saddened by this whole thing. i won't lie to anyone. i am saddened. because i never took the chance to do all the right things that God wants to do through me. and understand God's will from His perspective. i didn't. all i am doing is just expecting my own preferences to happen in my life.

Lord i just ask for more grace to be upon me as i continue to live... but let's just say i am sad now, and i believe that you are near to me, and that you heal the broken-hearted. you will heal me in time to come, i believe that. may your Holy Spirit work within me... and Lord i won't lie too that i actually still like her. and i ask that you will one day let her see Your love through my actions, that she may understand that she can demonstrate Your love through her actions too. Lord i thank you for all these that have happened and the things that you have let me see. just ask that you continue to be near me Lord...

i pray God, that you know what i want, and i can trust that you will provide me with what i need.

i know you won't be making a difference today. but i will keep praying for you that one day you will see... you have the power to make things good. you are in the position to.

i pray that you will take this opportunity. there is a beauty in your choice to. because it is what God has made us for. it is not an issue now about preferring or not. when it comes down to the final analysis, i think just ask, have i loved with God's strength? or am i running away from the choice to love? i'd rather you live and answer to God about this.

and you can rest assured whatever God loves me with i spare nothing from you, and i will love you with God's strength. be clear, i am not doing this on my own or for my own good. i believe God wants to display something thru this. and i hope you believe it too.

=)))

better to struggle when young, from young equipped liao, next time have more ideas to react properly... can encourage ppl accordingly oso... dats y sometimes i dun buy those philosophy say wa, life only got good. is more like, life good, because... got God.

let's just say, over the past few weeks, i wonder whether i've been praying in vain.

so vain. they don't see what i see, i don't see what they see.

i sit down in a wasted heap of energy and brain power. because most of my heart power has already been gone, invested in an area that is so questionable.

i believe God knows better, but at this point of time the future looks so shady.

n i m cocking up my daily routine.

i don't rly know what to write sometimes.

i come here with a blank mind and just type what is on my mind. but many a time i come here because i just need to document down my feels.

i don't know if this is how God views a prodigal son, or someone who has turned away from Him, from His presence. i can only empathize a small little amt as to how He feels when he sees his creation turning away and not willing to see His glory and get back in communion with him.

honestly, i m still available, and as of today I want to wait for u. i don't really know what's the wisest way to show u or prove to u. it's not rly common sense to me, but the world will tell me to move on. move on what? if God puts a burden in my heart i m going all out. i don't understand the world's wisdom of give up. sometimes it is a choice that i make. i can of course go on pain minimization and self-glorification. but that never made sense.

when was love easy? have we all shouted back at our parents? millions of times.

i don't rly know what u see. but i do pray for someday that u may be somewhere with me. and thanks for bearing with me. i know it was never the most fun thing to do...