well...

i love to ask the question. who am i? who are we? what are we, in the bigger scheme of things? some would say there isn't a bigger scheme of things. there's only themselves.

ppl work, to make themselves happy. to fill their pockets. or there's some obligation for humans or tangible stuff.

i duno. nothing wrong. nothing deadly. definitely there are some who dun bother to work, when they're required to do so they feel like the person employing them owes them a living, a life.

but something feels wrong when we only look for cheap rewards. i oso look for cheap rewards. but it doesn't seem right. what we do, we affect others. we can contribute to other's life meaningfully, we can also be another stumbling block.

己所不欲，勿施于人。dun do unto others wad u dowan them to do unto u. here i see everyone bullying, shuffing things down others throats, and not feeling a shit. bitch plz, the more u do that, the more u find i suck things down my throats and giv u shit.

loyalty to country. serious. loyalty to country some say. but wad are 60% of them loyal to? their own incomes. their own realities. they are not loyal to the country. i may not b loyal to the country in a fanatic sense. at least i do my part - i try to b loyal to the ppl i serve, both above and below. what happens when that happens? loyalty is abused.

in the bigger scheme of things, what is important? the people, their motivation, their trust? or isit one's reputation, one's rank, one's ass to cover, one's income? are u selfish, or are u doing something great for everyone else?

it's time to think about it.

if selfish, juz declare. each human has his right to be selfish at times. i will not fault u.

i will fault u, if u r selfish and u r definitely cognizant about it, and do not want to admit it.

i can't help but to whine.

yea sure, for what? they are probably better choices than me.

许多故事有伤心的理由。最后我的故事在你爱情里。。。我被遗忘。

yea. i was just a passing by? maybe. hopefully, there had been some positive effects.

if there weren't, hopefully it wasn't that negative. i apologise if there were.

wadeva.

i don't see it. they supposed to look for? potential person who'd they can spend their lives with?

since i'm not a potential person, i shall go look for potential objects that i can spend my life with. time to turn into a loser man. haha...

realities are as such. as i type, i juz encountered a good joke. counting back, now someone even wan to try to act as if certain events never took place. like sure bo? sure bo?

they enjoy lying to me though. telling me there is hope. there are others. it may be my warped negative thinking logic, but really, that's all i see is that i phailure. total phailure.

undependable fucktard. unfeeling bastard. selfish self-serving idiot. that's all i've been seen as.

is that really me i wonder? not impossible.

juz had the inspiration.

since jesus did not force anyone to follow him, den i shall not force anyone too. juz as he only tried to convince others, who may or may not believe, i shld do my part.

haha... balls to those who are coercing ppl through positive or negative methods. disgusting.