Psa 46:1-2 God is our refuge and strength,
    a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
    though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
    though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

it'd be great
if i could stop
having so much beer
to drown out some issues

it never hurts,
to have a few more shots
after a can of beer

no one told me that life was easy, and i m glad the Lord taught me that as well over the years. it is easy to think that a man of God is expected to be wow, life's always good. but i m glad the Lord really showed me that such thinking is rather nonsense. Matt 5:3 says blessed are those who are poor in spirit. and i tell u... if u are not broken down by God to understand how crap you are that you really need Him... mayb u shld ask for it.

He broke me. once. i thought that was over. now it's the 2nd dose.

and i hate it. God's tearing my soul apart. even my smartness. even my studies. it is being tested. it is being torn apart. i cannot get 1st class. not wif even my striving. God help me. how to get into postgrad school? how to even enter Minnesota state uni?? if can't go there means no more John Piper seminary... unless go back Vineyard at UIUC? that place bible is crappy study too. 

o God, when is the end of my trials? and these are just self-inflicted trials of pride of life. how can i stand against the trials inflicted by others?