idc if i am weak. God will make me strong. but i do want to make a few things heard in this private public space. HAHA. wells. if u know what i mean.

if i love u and yet u accepted someone else, of course it's gonna be disgusting to watch this whole process. but in time to come i believe... i gonna witness it. 我不喜欢承认我放得下。but i just feel... idk. i need to let go. i need to stop being jealous. it is burning me. and God is burning me... in a weird sanctification.

i rly duno wad to say, God is giving us such ambivalent directions... and burning the jealousy.

i m rly torn. i m scared. n i really need to lean on God's perfect love. i don't know. i m disgusted... really fearful of the future... i hav cap to maintain, my parent's mood, my future rgding r'ships.... help me God... help me...

God i trust in ur promises... yet... i m stupidly faithless, n i m so weak, n ur glory is really the end point. i want to be there... n provide me with the peace i need. i cry to u. honestly, i m fucked up. i really want to learn to love... yet the process to learn to love, is so hard...i m gonna die of liver cancer soon learning how to do it....

God lets just say this. u know why i like her... and u have been purifying it day by day. n in all honesty, u know. yes she's pretty, her personality is likeable. but no shit, u hav shown me sth. so what? i like her, those are just bonus factors. but truth is, clearly... she really seeks u as well. that's crazy, i never liked a girl who fits such description. i was more bothered by figure and behaviour last time. n now, i m more bothered by the convictions of the other party, and also whether this person prefers christ over secular issues.