curbing my desires, crucifying my flesh over the past half sem was painful.

no results to speak of. other than God is working.

i was ready to put my life down, wait for the right time, to not overstep boundaries, to respect decisions and stands. hence i waited, did not do anything..

alas, more things appeared than i wld hav expected. God is coming to test.

test, in the most epic of ways. it's bloody pain.

how about, fucking pain. i'm feeling the same numbness as before. the same situation. all these negative thoughts, they are coming around again. it's disgusting me, it is screwing around with me.

God help me, let me accept the facts, let me accept Your will as the only perfect will... help me to live not for my own desires but to desire Your plan and to love those around me, to care for those around me also.

really... i hav nth more to say, i duno what i'm thinking, and i duno what i shld b doing. i'm just as lost as ancient times, i need a restart. may God guide again and be faithful. i know He will.