am i allowed to believe myself? should i believe myself?

all along hav been failing in things, esp those pertaining to human. at best, things are poorly done. so i wonder, will u believe me? heh, not an easy qn. they hav observed me, and they may or may not know rather well what i am going through. and since the observers are more clear in some sense, they may even know what i may do next time better than myself.

i would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain. maybe. if it saves people, if it saves u, why not? but if the bullet go thru liao den hit the person i wan to block den how? HAHA. also, if i catch a grenade 4 u, i can't guarantee the shrapnel only i tio. maybe u tio some. but hu care, as long as u may noe, it doesn't matter i guess?

so once again, i'm sitting here, expressing some incoherence. really, i rather not be this way. it's like a bad dirrhoea, although u may choose to gather enough shit 1st, u still gotta shit some out, although u noe u're going in for at least a 5th time. hence here u can sae i'm shitting some out of me for a while, later i will shit out more, as long as dirrhoeaa doesn't heal....