hence, i can claim, they really don't understand.

feeling rather perturbed, confused etc. maybe i shldn't be hehe. really, i shldn't be. juz that once again i'm not able to live like wad i want to and wad my selfish self wants to. why? i do not want to be seen as selfish.

which, on the surface, there's nothing wrong. shld i be selfish? no i shldn't. hence, though i am rather selfish, i shld try not to be isn't it? hence, it is not only beneficial to myself to not be selfish, it's beneficial socially. but ppl sae, u shld be urself. then, since i am selfish, am i supposed to "be myself"? HAHA

then again, wad do ppl judge me by? personally i duno. they may see me as screwed, they may see me as fine. i dun mind both. because i agree i am both. but disappointing, everywhere i go, i am not alone. so sad. in any case, for now, let me juz live like there's nth much to do, although there are things to do. heh. switch off for maybe the next 48h in preparation for a lousy gamble.

maybe i shldn't be affording myself such stuff so often...