ownership.

sth that we all wanna feel for ourselves.

fkin hell. now i c why there's a whole bunch of ppl hu wanna play rather than work. fkin cb. i tell u, u go tink about it. which parent from young will teach a child to go play instead of studying for test? u wan to make a child study, can. make him fail all his tests and then one day he fkin realises that he nids to study (shld i sae work hard to hone a skill) minimally before he can succeed in any sector in the society.

why i feel 0 motivation to go and apply my scholarships or think seriously about a job? i've never been given ownership of wad i do. u tink i really love to study v hard? i dun tink so. i dun feel the ownership in studying. my mother ask me apply scholarship. my father ask me go find wad i wan to do. yea sure bro, find wad i wan to do? bowling, slacking. cos these are the tings they dun tell me to do, but i do and get moderately ok doing them. i feel ownership. i feel like i built up the skills through my own hard work instead of someone's nagging. that's why i feel good doing those.

studying? sure, it gets me much positive attention from peers and teachers. but, fuck it. do i really feel as much pride in it as my 26th qual position in graded B? i dun tink so seriously. why so? cos, in our society, 99.9% (good estimate seriously) of ppl are asked by their parents to study. study as in academic, not even vocational tings. they dun really care about vocational stuff like seriously. i can cook, is that impt in many ppl eyes? no. i can make a good movie. is that impt in many ppl eyes here?

next, why i dun wana study. or hav less incentive to study seriously. my family is secretly financially secure. dat's wad i found out rather recently (mayb 3-5yr ago?). like seriously, i study for wad? i study liao my parents can support themselves. i study got use meh? 富不过三代. quite true. i'm the only 2nd gen of financial security. and i'm already taking such attitudes. i work hard, seriously my son/daughter can make it? haha. i wonder. in fact, mayb i wun even hav a child.

once again, study for wad? i mean, take scholarship for wad? public job really dat good? i'm still wondering.... is it the choice? is it THE choice? private sector may hav as much jobs requiring a pre-requisite of undergrad student, which is more challenging than some gov't jobs which can turn into a disillusionment. fuck it.

tink about it, i type so much. but no one reads this ting. haha. let it rot... someone hu sees this giv a pm to my msn or email or fb. mayb i nid serious counselling.