muz destroy inner demons. looks like jealousy is consuming people, greed is also consuming people around me a within me.

as i may hav discussed, some things that drive/motivate human action will be greed and jealousy. they seem to like to work hand in hand. being jealous of someone may lead u to covet what he has, in certain situations. let's say, someone has a lot of money. i am jealous he has greater purchasing power over me, he can buy more bowling ball, can buy more food. thus, i will become greedy, i will go and earn more money to match him out of jealousy, and in desperate cases, i may even steal from him out of greed, which stemmed from jealousy.

hmm. not a good example, abit of logical leaps. but about there la. so i tink we needa beware ourselves. cannot fall into the trap. although i fall into it considerably often enough.

Everytime-Simple Plan Lyrics

nice simple plan song. bg abit bright though haha

feel. this word is very arbitrary.

where does it apply? where i've come in contact and that i can recall for now, 2 places, namely in a game or sport, and in interaction with others.

even though arbitrary, it seems that it is an important element of success, and it seem that u cannot cultivate or hone ur feel to a very high level. it can be improved, but it can never achieve the standard of an "innate" feel. let's say, person A has feel for person B. person B claims to have no feel for person A. person B may choose to build up some sort of a feeling for person A. but this feeling is not as strong as that of, if hypothetically, person B is interested in a person C that sort of a feeling. or that person B juz can't build up that feel for the person A.

that was very incoherent, but there is half a parallel to sport. sport is not animate, but it does have some resemblance to such a situation. suppose person A is really interested in soccer. train everyday. but unfortunately, he is not technically gifted. sure, he may train 1st touch and juggling etc to improve dribbling and ball control. but he will never attain the standard that a pro may have and some may attribute it to lack of feel. maybe for example because person A is not able to anticipate certain situations well or is not able to be creative on chances.

but the qn is, so does feel define ur level of success and attainment? i'm not so sure. i may respect such a person A for being able to persevere in training. but wad we see is that he cannot be able to perform at a desired level for a lack of innate ability. also, the person A is not able to win over person B due to again a lack of feel. so our level of success determined by feel?

i don't know. but for one, i do know, we have put in effort, we should not have regrets. as a certain teacher say, marks don't define you, even if u failed u are not a failure. so we may have no feel, but if we have tried to do sth about it in an area which we do not hav a comparative advantage in, maybe we shld juz keep in mind that we will never produce real impressive results. instead be realistic and know that we have produced a reasonable result.

i try to throw the picture out of my mind, wanna leave the memories behind.
here by the ocean, waves carry voices from you...

there's a little unnecessary insecurity and uncertainty within me, in fact maybe it's warranted. but i tink i shall take on the utilitarian POV, juz take a hu cares attitude and go on. i've got tings to do, everyone got their things to do. so why bother so much man.

well. it's assholic to sae. 2 day miracle for bt2.

how about a 2 day miracle now, for math, for prelim? wad's wif the thank you and goodbye? idiots. so, at least 80% should be a plausible aim. time to brush up on pure, math. idiotic.

i see, how jilted lovers of another education level behave. it's rather scary, rather shocking, and if i'm allowed to say, disgusting.

well. i have a cantonese song to tell them also though. 放手豁出所有，还有这个好友，已经已经足够. 所谓拿得起放得下。yea not easy. easy to sae nia. but sometimes it's about psychoing urself successfully. if u're able to do so, u're not bad alr. and tink of the benefits of doing so. personally, u'd be taking the next best alternative. but how about societally? if u choose to let go, u're improving social welfare by a considerable amount in fact. so which u choose? a selfish bastard, or take the next best choice for urself but increase social benefits?

therein lies another (not so good example of the) personal-social benefit trade-off situation.

如果再见是为了再分，失去才算是永恒，一次新的记忆为何还要再生？？
我从来不敢给你任何诺言是因为我知道我们太年轻

but it's ok. 既然爱了就不怨悔，多少的痛我也愿意背，我的爱如潮水，爱如潮水将我想你推紧紧跟随，爱如潮水它将你我包围

being a little optimistic doesn't hurt. but sometimes we need to be realistic. half of the time, the realistic part of life is good, the other part is bad. quite obvious. but why we focus on the bad too much? we shld take the action of weighing all possible outcomes, instead of just thinking one way, either super optimist or super pessimist. thus, people like me go ahead and talk like a half idiot. so u'd say things like, hmm this may happen, i am rather positive this would happen, yer noe, allow room for error. dun sae, this must happen man.

Jeff Chang - 别怕我伤心

怀念你柔情似水的眼睛，是我天空最美丽的星星。
不知在远方的你是否能感应。

well i do know from some sources that humans are communal beings.

but i tink i hav faced certain situations where humans become anti-communal. and sometimes humans become this way when they are in a situation where they can build on a certain communal relationship. why so?

i'd guess sometimes rational thought overrides the emotional connection we may seek, or wad we may put it as animal instincts.

for instance, i hav in fact chosen not to associate myself with certain people whom i tink are very self-absorbed and/or self-centred. i know it is not very nice of me to do so, but i'm not sure of the real reason why i'm doing so. i mean these people if you have a personal relationship with them usually won't be bad to u (although i do know some of these are really bad cases, will backstab u at any opportunity). and of course, one can build a good relationship with them, whether friends or some good working relation. but sometimes we choose not to.

and i'd postulate that we do not choose to maintain a candid relationship with them is because we are worried of the"societal" consequences. meaning, if i were to go around with this person, i'd be seen in this light. for example, i don't enjoy hanging around with extremely irresponsible for the very reason that i do not want to be assumed as some irresponsible person. similarly, some people may not want to go around with me because of the fear of being associated as some coffee-drinking, direct remark making person. for the very reason that they being around wif me, will lead to people generalising them as me. ditto for people choosing not to maintain a relationship with someone wif "undesirable" characteristics.

but in light of such selfish considerations, i'd sae: juz go ahead and be associate with them la. that applies to me oso. on the assumption that these people really have no evil intentions to stab u, that's self-explanatory, that person won't do u any harm. and moreover one more friend means one less potential enemy.

so my qn to myself will be, why nid to hide certain dealings i hav wif others under the carpet? quite lame sia. but on the same note, no point "publicising" it. i mean show off for wad? i got alot of dealings and links arh? really sia. if i really had links, i'd be doing business in china and india and africa and drinking money and oil.

fractionation. i believe i've mentioned this somewhere in my blog long ago.

but it's really fascinating, that one can really become irrational over decisions of others. we're unable to consider logically or economically when faced with certain pressures or when the decision-making process is greatly controlled by a certain factor.

take for example, a drug addict. yes, he may want to quit taking heroin. but the withdrawal symptoms he has from not taking heroin may just override all his rational thoughts of stopping drugs, and "force" him to start drugs again.

but fractionation is even greater power, imo. claims of fractionation and its sucesses: men who are deemed by society to be ugly were able to hook up if i'm not wrong 15 women in 1 month for sex just by fractionating these women. talk about rational minds, heh.

maybe the human mind is really fragile? i dunno. hahahahahah