will Jesus listen to me?
yea, on textbook that's what i know of.
but the people aren't reflecting this truth. they aren't reflecting it to me. hav i started to rely on what they make me feel? mayb exactly the same problem. i m waiting for someone to affirm me. i hav taught others not to rely on it, yet i do it myself. how dumb.
u know unstable compounds? they need to release energy to achieve a more stable state.
i feel that way esp when... idk. idk how to say it. it just feels like... i'm unwanted.
why do i idolize it? the Lord is still with me, present with me clearly as i go about doing my stuff. i know it full well He is with me. but why do i want this other person so much? am i idolizing something? i need someone's approval? this is really lame. it's unhealthy
Monday, March 07, 2016
Wednesday, March 02, 2016
Thursday, February 25, 2016
how many more people need God more than myself?
just look at the people at Geylang, the ladies. living a life void of the true hope, they turn to everything else for hope. the men too. when our lives are devoid of a true absolute standard, anything seems legit. think of Ezekiel, when anything was permitted.
but i just felt like something is missing at Geylang. heard that other students went there on hidden comm fieldtrip, but are disallowed from speaking to anyone.
now after speaking to the ladies... it's just crazy. how did Jesus hang out with these people? what is the depth of love God has for them? being there for a while... i alr can understand the sadness... selling flesh for money... that reality-driven life...
Lord let Your light shine there... open their eyes, Holy Spirit speak and convict...
may we be equipped with the Word and with God's love to keep going there to engage them. this is not the status quo we must be contented with. we cannot let the devil have a foothold in that area.
just look at the people at Geylang, the ladies. living a life void of the true hope, they turn to everything else for hope. the men too. when our lives are devoid of a true absolute standard, anything seems legit. think of Ezekiel, when anything was permitted.
but i just felt like something is missing at Geylang. heard that other students went there on hidden comm fieldtrip, but are disallowed from speaking to anyone.
now after speaking to the ladies... it's just crazy. how did Jesus hang out with these people? what is the depth of love God has for them? being there for a while... i alr can understand the sadness... selling flesh for money... that reality-driven life...
Lord let Your light shine there... open their eyes, Holy Spirit speak and convict...
may we be equipped with the Word and with God's love to keep going there to engage them. this is not the status quo we must be contented with. we cannot let the devil have a foothold in that area.
Friday, February 19, 2016
Psa 46:1-2 God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
it'd be great
if i could stop
having so much beer
to drown out some issues
it never hurts,
to have a few more shots
after a can of beer
no one told me that life was easy, and i m glad the Lord taught me that as well over the years. it is easy to think that a man of God is expected to be wow, life's always good. but i m glad the Lord really showed me that such thinking is rather nonsense. Matt 5:3 says blessed are those who are poor in spirit. and i tell u... if u are not broken down by God to understand how crap you are that you really need Him... mayb u shld ask for it.
He broke me. once. i thought that was over. now it's the 2nd dose.
and i hate it. God's tearing my soul apart. even my smartness. even my studies. it is being tested. it is being torn apart. i cannot get 1st class. not wif even my striving. God help me. how to get into postgrad school? how to even enter Minnesota state uni?? if can't go there means no more John Piper seminary... unless go back Vineyard at UIUC? that place bible is crappy study too.
o God, when is the end of my trials? and these are just self-inflicted trials of pride of life. how can i stand against the trials inflicted by others?
a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
it'd be great
if i could stop
having so much beer
to drown out some issues
it never hurts,
to have a few more shots
after a can of beer
no one told me that life was easy, and i m glad the Lord taught me that as well over the years. it is easy to think that a man of God is expected to be wow, life's always good. but i m glad the Lord really showed me that such thinking is rather nonsense. Matt 5:3 says blessed are those who are poor in spirit. and i tell u... if u are not broken down by God to understand how crap you are that you really need Him... mayb u shld ask for it.
He broke me. once. i thought that was over. now it's the 2nd dose.
and i hate it. God's tearing my soul apart. even my smartness. even my studies. it is being tested. it is being torn apart. i cannot get 1st class. not wif even my striving. God help me. how to get into postgrad school? how to even enter Minnesota state uni?? if can't go there means no more John Piper seminary... unless go back Vineyard at UIUC? that place bible is crappy study too.
o God, when is the end of my trials? and these are just self-inflicted trials of pride of life. how can i stand against the trials inflicted by others?
Tuesday, February 09, 2016
so many thoughts during cny. i always wonder what's the problem.
i don't write here a lot. but i realize that as time goes by... my public space is being eaten up at facebook. so i have turned back to blogspot, where the traffic is real low and no one really follows. it's a great idea some more i don't link or label anything or tag.
what sort of son disappears from home to seek refuge from the family? my family isn't doing badly. and many a time it may just be my brain. o Lord when we call out to You, You hear.
hear Lord, that my family is quietly turning unhealthy. there isn't a healthy communication. a lot of ego play. a lot of negative talk. condemning others, instead of love.
what's the problem here? all of seems to be honouring the Lord ok. but there's just something lacking. i can't describe what exactly is the problem. but observing the level of communication there's just something that is real missing and there's a serious problem.
and here i am just being able to be a keyboard warrior. not even prayer warrior. i don't even know what is my role in all this.
i don't write here a lot. but i realize that as time goes by... my public space is being eaten up at facebook. so i have turned back to blogspot, where the traffic is real low and no one really follows. it's a great idea some more i don't link or label anything or tag.
what sort of son disappears from home to seek refuge from the family? my family isn't doing badly. and many a time it may just be my brain. o Lord when we call out to You, You hear.
hear Lord, that my family is quietly turning unhealthy. there isn't a healthy communication. a lot of ego play. a lot of negative talk. condemning others, instead of love.
what's the problem here? all of seems to be honouring the Lord ok. but there's just something lacking. i can't describe what exactly is the problem. but observing the level of communication there's just something that is real missing and there's a serious problem.
and here i am just being able to be a keyboard warrior. not even prayer warrior. i don't even know what is my role in all this.
Sunday, February 07, 2016
yeah, a house of an elder i see.
some of the family members try lah. we try to make it a family. each of us try in our own ways. but it's funny, at the end of the day, it seems like... they don't always coincide together.
festive season, and i m sitting here remembering the Lord is my peace. the song, 耶和华坐着为王，洪水氾濫的時候；耶和華坐著為王，直到永遠。
we all try, and then i look at the friction. and where's lubricant?? all i see is some reluctant giving way. and i, standing at the side, a helpless observer, unable to initiate much. or intervene even.
i don't like to purposely be a whatever beatitudes guy. what blessed poor in spirit. i'm not gonna act as that. but i keep getting turned back to this verse whenever i feel this way, and wondering whether all these emotional turmoil is worth it. all these tears shed for nothing cos i watch my family tearing at one another for nothing, or just stabbing one another because one has practiced more Christian liberty than another.
seems like there's some sort of an excess pride everywhere we go.
i wonder what the Lord teaches about family. father teach the children? in the end, the father just passed his stuck up genes over to the first 2 sons, and his lack of sociability over to his 3rd son which culminates in autism. pls. and in teaching? nothing much about promoting love and righteousness, just expression of pent up frustration. it is of not much wonder why the first 2 sons who aren't autistic love to express the same in more creative ways.
one rather type on blogspot. the other? boasting about his Christian liberty after being set free from some "chains of legalism", and biting his own roots in the butt. pls, if God didn't teach him that since young he would even have any sense of righteousness, just by going to churches that play some clubbing, trance-infusing music?
surely... there's more of God's peace that can surround this situation. may the Lord be peace here Lord. come to fill us Lord with Your love, and that we can speak more of Your love, act more with Your grace... rather than bow down to the work of our sinful nature. give us the backbone strengthened by Your Spirit. thanks God for being faithful... listen to our prayer Lord... it doesn't have to be this way with You...
some of the family members try lah. we try to make it a family. each of us try in our own ways. but it's funny, at the end of the day, it seems like... they don't always coincide together.
festive season, and i m sitting here remembering the Lord is my peace. the song, 耶和华坐着为王，洪水氾濫的時候；耶和華坐著為王，直到永遠。
we all try, and then i look at the friction. and where's lubricant?? all i see is some reluctant giving way. and i, standing at the side, a helpless observer, unable to initiate much. or intervene even.
i don't like to purposely be a whatever beatitudes guy. what blessed poor in spirit. i'm not gonna act as that. but i keep getting turned back to this verse whenever i feel this way, and wondering whether all these emotional turmoil is worth it. all these tears shed for nothing cos i watch my family tearing at one another for nothing, or just stabbing one another because one has practiced more Christian liberty than another.
seems like there's some sort of an excess pride everywhere we go.
i wonder what the Lord teaches about family. father teach the children? in the end, the father just passed his stuck up genes over to the first 2 sons, and his lack of sociability over to his 3rd son which culminates in autism. pls. and in teaching? nothing much about promoting love and righteousness, just expression of pent up frustration. it is of not much wonder why the first 2 sons who aren't autistic love to express the same in more creative ways.
one rather type on blogspot. the other? boasting about his Christian liberty after being set free from some "chains of legalism", and biting his own roots in the butt. pls, if God didn't teach him that since young he would even have any sense of righteousness, just by going to churches that play some clubbing, trance-infusing music?
surely... there's more of God's peace that can surround this situation. may the Lord be peace here Lord. come to fill us Lord with Your love, and that we can speak more of Your love, act more with Your grace... rather than bow down to the work of our sinful nature. give us the backbone strengthened by Your Spirit. thanks God for being faithful... listen to our prayer Lord... it doesn't have to be this way with You...
Wednesday, February 03, 2016
really? you do these things in secret, and think the Lord does not see? mayb you did not do any of such things. but you thought of these things in secret, and think that the Lord does not know of them again? God forgive us and guide each and every of our intention and let us not be fooled by our own tainted hearts...
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
haven't been accessing this for some time.
praying that God will continue to show me who He is. praying that God will be faithful. so much water to walk on, to tread on.
i don't really know what's happening.
but for any sane reader following this little site you'd know - the LORD has done a great thing in me, whereof you should be glad about.
delivering me from vulgarities and convicting me of the problems of it; delivering me from porn; convicting me and putting in me a serious holy desire to fight against the flesh in masturbation; delivering me from my slavery to getting a girlfriend fast.
and so many other spiritual Egypt. as i recount all these I can only fall on my face... LORD be merciful... God thank you for the work... but just pardon me the sinner. and let Your grace reign in me. continue to make my spirit poor. but may Your Spirit be seen!! teach me to live according to the beatitudes, not as some self-made ascetic, but one who is truly poor in worldly sense but truly rich in kingdom terms. thank you Lord Jesus for being that propitiation of all sin. now I trust in Your word in John 14-16, and i receive the power to live out what Your Spirit is telling me. pray in Jesus Name
praying that God will continue to show me who He is. praying that God will be faithful. so much water to walk on, to tread on.
i don't really know what's happening.
but for any sane reader following this little site you'd know - the LORD has done a great thing in me, whereof you should be glad about.
delivering me from vulgarities and convicting me of the problems of it; delivering me from porn; convicting me and putting in me a serious holy desire to fight against the flesh in masturbation; delivering me from my slavery to getting a girlfriend fast.
and so many other spiritual Egypt. as i recount all these I can only fall on my face... LORD be merciful... God thank you for the work... but just pardon me the sinner. and let Your grace reign in me. continue to make my spirit poor. but may Your Spirit be seen!! teach me to live according to the beatitudes, not as some self-made ascetic, but one who is truly poor in worldly sense but truly rich in kingdom terms. thank you Lord Jesus for being that propitiation of all sin. now I trust in Your word in John 14-16, and i receive the power to live out what Your Spirit is telling me. pray in Jesus Name
Saturday, September 05, 2015
it's just been one weekend since i started fasting. and it's already getting rather distracting to keep on a fast.
it's easy to think of the great snacks and food i m missing out. it's easy to think of others eating. but really, it is hard to just focus and quieten myself and think about God and pray about all the issues i set out to.
Jesus help me to focus on you... I need You Lord... infiltrate into every aspect of my life to make it yours Jesus... Lord let me have a heart for others, without a neglecting of my own work... Lord give me full faith to look at what you want me to do... help me the sinner and the weak child... make me strong because of Your glory and not for my own vain-glory.
it's easy to think of the great snacks and food i m missing out. it's easy to think of others eating. but really, it is hard to just focus and quieten myself and think about God and pray about all the issues i set out to.
Jesus help me to focus on you... I need You Lord... infiltrate into every aspect of my life to make it yours Jesus... Lord let me have a heart for others, without a neglecting of my own work... Lord give me full faith to look at what you want me to do... help me the sinner and the weak child... make me strong because of Your glory and not for my own vain-glory.
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