it is quite sad, that all we like to do is to complicate things where things should not be complicated, and to simplify things which are not supposed to be simplified. where things are supposed to be taken with awe, we shldn't act in a disenchanted fashion. love, nature, life, faith, marriage, compassion, beauty, and even God. instead, we have wasted time on building our ego, adorning ourselves externally, and attracting attention to something which is not God.

Romans 1:20-23 "For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things."

about 1 wk before i fly. thank God for his faithfulness so far. seeing too many things over the past half yr. from the painful and unhappy and i walked into the valley of the shadow of death (Ps 23:4), but now wad i see is much revival and much lesson on the 2 great commandments (Matt 22:37-40). same situation the whole time - back urself up wif the Word of God, and let the Holy Spirit lead, and seek first the kingdom of God. those who know me will know, last time kns self-seeking, holier-than-thou, sibei zhuai. now everyone says a different thing, i leave it to whoever who sees to judge for urself. i not important. He must increase i must decrease (John 3:30)

to ppl who are gonna stay in s'pore, alot of my friends tell me this yr jubilee yr for s'pore, and there is collective vision rgding s'pore becoming antioch of asia. pray that God will move in u, and on ur part, be willing to let God move in u. be a Jesus! remember the great commission, yet dun forget the great commandments too. that is how Jesus was so effective.

u see in s'pore, we seem so good, but actually we are as dead as Sardis. so "strengthen what remains", and i believe we will get somewhere cos God knows our hearts. the harvest is plenty, but the labourers are not keeping up wif the supply of harvest. go all out guys, and sustain the fire even after the jubilee. we will see what God wants to do. i sense that God is coming quickly. let's live by the word continually.

see in my church, i was thinking all is bad. but while that is happening, i thank God for a deaconness in my life who told me, go and talk to more ppl than just sit in my well and look at the sky, thinking that all is going wrong in the church. so out there i went in my church, asking aunties and uncles what they thought. all of them, i see love, i see love of God. and from there on, i started to love ppl in my church even more. eventually now, i smell an awakening, and that continued into my church small little chinese congregation (God added 10 ppl to our 30+ regulars) and then now the younger peeps around my age oso start to see God's work too. focus on God, not ppl. please. and continue, i m sure God will show sth. so remember this:

Rev 3:1-6 "And to the angel of the church in Sardis write: ‘The words of him who has the seven spirits of God and the seven stars.
‘I know your works. You have the reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Wake up, and strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your works complete in the sight of my God. Remember, then, what you received and heard. Keep it, and repent. If you will not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what hour I will come against you. Yet you have still a few names in Sardis, people who have not soiled their garments, and they will walk with me in white, for they are worthy. The one who conquers will be clothed thus in white garments, and I will never blot his name out of the book of life. I will confess his name before my Father and before his angels. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’

i dun claim to b God. neither do i play God.

but in my own limitedness, i honestly just want to say... i still love u today. and i will continue to love u. i know i did not put it across in the wisest/most beautiful/most romantic way or some way which is up to ur own taste and preferences.

but i just want to tell u, i will continue to put myself out there for u. not cos i need something back in return, not that i want to act as if i m so noble or what shit. no.

if it is an outpouring from God that really wants to come out of me to u, i just want u to know that God loves u, and that is more important. and that is the greatest gift that you have alr received.

so... i guess... wad i do is inconsequential, but i rly hope that u love God back too. and stop looking at just my actions or others, but turn it back to God and thank him for it...

if God today wants me to walk that hard path to learn what is love, where love = not expecting, i don't mind walking that over and over, and telling u that i love u, with no expectations. u will continue to b special to ppl, and more importantly, u r special to God =)))

will b praying.

1 Peter 5:8 - Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
Ephesians 6:12 - For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
1 John 3:10 By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.

everything can be used by the devil to scam us over and over. when we r down, God is actually with us, and the only thing that tries to condemn us is our own sin. when we r feeling good, God has blessed instead of using this as a time to boast of only our own efforts.

when we fall short of His standards, God may us signs to turn us back to Himself, rather than He is actively condemning u. (so today if u hear, do not harden ur heart to God.)

when we are walking in the light, stay there, hang in there. abide in Him. the deceiver is always around to tell u that u are getting everything wrong. but rly, heck that deceiver and turn to God.

father i thank you today, for making today, for sustaining me today... for the blessings you have given, for the common grace you have provided to all of us so that we can be reconciled with your holy nature. i love you father, for you have first loved me.

i pray today, that u remind me you have victory over sin, that u remind me while i am weak, you made me strong by your righteousness, that u remind me i don't have to succumb to my human nature and my weakness, and that i can rely on you again... i need your grace father.

be with me as i walk in this turmoil... remind me of your powers and your mercies. i feel torn apart, and i need you in my life. it is disgusting, it's an irritating feeling, and i know you are with me as i walk this agony.

father, be with her too, as she makes decisions, may she also do things which glorify you and not in a selfish manner. grant her wisdom in this period of time, give her courage to face up to what she needs to. father may you bless her and keep her heart close to you and not be shaken by things happening around.

father forgive me of my sinful nature and my weakness, and let your glory shine through. let not my weakness take over my mind and my body, and let your Spirit be the one that is with me than my own human nature. i want to abide in your love, and not in what i want carnally. father may you work mightily. Deliver me out of this. hear my cry, and give me comfort, and send your spirit to guard my heart and mind against the work of my flesh and weakness and the devil.

i pray in your son's most precious and holy name.

just remember a few things ok:

1) God loves u
2) there r ppl who care 4 u...

and i love u too. but... i rly can't say it... i dowan it to affect u... i know u hav many more things to do for God, and i too hav other responsibilities at hand...

but i rly love u too. if u do go with others, just make sure u hav discerned and thought through that decision. i will try not to b jealous... i mean i shldn't even be...

i just feel crazily confused... it's so not human to react this way.

God... help me. teach me to love, and remind me of ur love, and rly give me strength and courage to face this situation... i know it's not all bad when i focus on ur glory, but when my own fleshly desires kick in it's rly not fun. honestly, it is not. and i wanna say... deliver me from temptation too God.

mayb i shld start to find that line between loving others... yet at same time keep some room for self-preservation

idc if i am weak. God will make me strong. but i do want to make a few things heard in this private public space. HAHA. wells. if u know what i mean.

if i love u and yet u accepted someone else, of course it's gonna be disgusting to watch this whole process. but in time to come i believe... i gonna witness it. 我不喜欢承认我放得下。but i just feel... idk. i need to let go. i need to stop being jealous. it is burning me. and God is burning me... in a weird sanctification.

i rly duno wad to say, God is giving us such ambivalent directions... and burning the jealousy.

i m rly torn. i m scared. n i really need to lean on God's perfect love. i don't know. i m disgusted... really fearful of the future... i hav cap to maintain, my parent's mood, my future rgding r'ships.... help me God... help me...

God i trust in ur promises... yet... i m stupidly faithless, n i m so weak, n ur glory is really the end point. i want to be there... n provide me with the peace i need. i cry to u. honestly, i m fucked up. i really want to learn to love... yet the process to learn to love, is so hard...i m gonna die of liver cancer soon learning how to do it....

God lets just say this. u know why i like her... and u have been purifying it day by day. n in all honesty, u know. yes she's pretty, her personality is likeable. but no shit, u hav shown me sth. so what? i like her, those are just bonus factors. but truth is, clearly... she really seeks u as well. that's crazy, i never liked a girl who fits such description. i was more bothered by figure and behaviour last time. n now, i m more bothered by the convictions of the other party, and also whether this person prefers christ over secular issues.

Sometimes i wish u were more accessbile n closer... May God guide us in this situation... For separate concerns... God teach us too as we leave our lives in ur hands, seemingly in separate directions, show us wads happening.
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Religiosity is religiosity. When i believe in God, is not about following rules n creeds n stuff. Is about glorifying God, and being willing to let God lead me in my life, and not living by my own strength, trying to please a tyrant by practicing altruism or what.

Many hav a bad misconception here, and they try to do more n more by themselves without a heart of reliance on God

i'm so sorry but i rly hav to say, i don't know what the world is about anymore.

when we don't put God in the centre, everything else creeps in, like money, like self-centredness, and any other temptations, and esp the devil's works.

why are we spending time trying to create the ideas of happiness, the ideas of peace/harmony, the ideas of being in authority just because we hold a niche/more money/more fame?

i don't understand these worldly behaviours v much. i find it hard to fit in all of a sudden.

and worse still, i know my responsibilities, but i feel a little lost in the world. like, i just wanna slp and do nothing about it and look at God.

but i know i need the strength back. i hope, i pray, God be with me... rly, i need the strength back.

may God work through me... let me see you... let me see your grace and your providence again... it's humbling, it's disgusting on my self-centred and self-sufficient attitude, but i really need God's strength to live everyday.

i'm getting incoherent and i should be. cos i within myself... i m messy alr. God take control...

and i oso need to work and let God guide me in getting a grip on myself. and really pray i recover soon.

sometimes i feel a burning desire to say... shall we display God together? shall we let God work through us? for one another's sanctification?

i honestly don't know.

but anw, now is a shag period of time, thanks to the lack of forecasting and solid tasking, so everything is so fluid. we are the officer as well as the specialist as well as the executors in all areas.

we are taken for granted, we have no say, and who bothers? no one gives a shit about others realities. and, how about, do u even know the realities? u are not a leader. u are just a task person. u have not fully appreciated the intricacies of organization.